J'adore this tomato red dress! Everything about it appealed to me; the color, the asymmetry, the mix of shredded femininity. The hue is so bold, the tiny buttons so demure anddelicate. This piece is one stop shop; you need nothing else to drive home this look. It speaks for itself. It's by a designer I'm just learning about, thanks to my friend Gito. The designer is Magda Butrym. I even love her name! I love the combo of bright red and yellow gold accessories, but I kept it as minimal as possible. With the side parted glam hair, and the photographer telling me to twirl, I felt very old Hollywood glamour. Which led me to think of Marilyn Monroe in the classic film "The Seven Year Itch", in that famous white dress billowing up scene. Which then led me to think about emotional asymmetry. Let me explain. As we all know, despite her tremendous fame and following, world admired beauty, and enviable sex appeal, Marilyn was an extremely lonely woman. She was very open about this. There was such deep sadness underneath her worshipped exterior. Her legions of fans, numerous movie roles, or famous love interests played no part in easing her inner turmoil. It probably made it worse, with all the public pressures and expectations to be who the world wanted her to be. So often, the loneliest place to be is a crowded room. Living near Manhattan, I think about this a lot.
Watching all the hustle and flow of the city, the thousands of people coming and going at breakneck speed, is a recipe for loneliness if you aren't in an assured place in your life. All these people, and not one of them notices you. It's very easy to feel invisible amongst the masses. The public saw Marilyn in the way the studios packaged and delivered her. The contents of that package were unimportant and irrelevant. She knew this, she was not a dumb blonde. Out of all the negative human emotions we are capable of feeling, I think loneliness is the most destructive. It's what often leads to suicide. Rage, sadness, and insecurity aren't fun, but if an angry person feels love, they can probably exist without harming themselves. There are anti anxiety medications, anti depression medications, and various types of anger management therapies. There's no pill to take if you feel lonely, isolated, and misunderstood. I'm not referring to clinical depression, I mean the notion of loneliness on it's own. There isn't a prescription that can be filled out to cure one of feeling unseen and ignored. Humans are meant to connect with other humans. That has nothing to do with being shy or outgoing, popular or unpopular. It's a human need that if not met, causes the world to feel like a horribly lonely place to be. A place some people would rather exit than remain in. Loneliness leads to many forms of addiction, as a means of escape.
I see this more and more in my neighborhood. Life, relationships to children, marriages, or personal fulfillment are not what the expectation was. An escape is necessary to literally take people out of their own heads. Incessant shopping, binge eating, even gossip is a form of addiction. People get addicted to talking about the lives of others in order to avoid dealing with their own life. I think even running errands constantly, or organizing your pantry like the guy that pulverized Julia Roberts in "Sleeping With the Enemy", are also means of distraction. At the stage of life where we don't have babies at home to take up all our time and energy, since the kids are in school full time, your own home can feel incredibly lonely. Silence can be very scary, since all you hear are your own thoughts, and you don't want to hear your truth since it may implode your carefully constructed life. The dress, Marilyn, the concept of imbalance, all compare to the vast challenges of living in an age of social media.
Take Instagram, where people feel validated or loved based on how many followers they have. It can be such fake bullshit; a person with a billion followers can secretly be beyond miserable. I admit that anyone, including myself, could be seen as a hypocrite, since I'm in fact using social media for my own purposes. Social media can promote major asymmetry in our minds, since we are constantly tricked into false security and illusions. People post photos in order to get likes. Likes are dangerous when we rely on them for validation. Anyone who posts a ton of stuff, then claims they don't give a shit what anyone thinks of them, is lying to themselves. They need the likes just as they need to pee; it's a relief. Likes feel good. You feel seen, appreciated, momentarily important. This is a drug like any other. It's very scary raising kids in this era. How can we teach our kids to feel genuine love and security when they are basing those feelings on how many people liked the snapchat photo of them looking like a deer on acid??? I don't get the whole snapchat thing, but I'm always very late to any tech party. My kids try to convince me that the filters are cool. I think they're ridiculous, and tell them I don't have any desire to see their perfect faces distorted. I can't stand it. I like seeing them as is. I want others to see me as is, not a purported vision of me. I know I put myself out there, so anyone that can't see me clearly doesn't belong in my life.
I've said that before, and I'll keep holding on to that. I don't want a ton of superficial connections, I'd rather a few true, deep ones. No one admits to wanting otherwise, but most people don't live by that. You've never heard someone say, "I prefer to have a lot of phony relationships instead of three friendships of quality". Yet, so many still seem to be running for mayor. It's a huge challenge to remind ourselves that all we really need is within us, when the undertow of social media can drown us. But we can look at it like this; it is the very challenge of asymmetry that will keep us balanced. We, myself as well, must work harder to weed out inauthenticity. We must constantly teach ourselves what's real and what's not. We will be stronger when we internalize this. There is many a night I've wasted trolling things on Instagram that have zero to do with me. I always hate myself for it after. It's so stupid, and I know better. But I get sucked in. I've never thought,"wow, what a fulfilling evening I just had, perusing the accounts of complete strangers. Now I can sleep peacefully, knowing what so and so did for vacation three years ago. " In yoga, you do the exact same movements on both sides of the body. Achieving balance takes focus and commitment. It's not always easy, but it sure feels good when everything in our lives is aligned. It is both our right and responsibility to maintain balance. No one can mess with your center. If there's someone who throws you out of whack, that is a sign to perhaps let them go. Only keep those who really see you for you. If the most famous woman in the world had this problem, chances are the rest of us can relate. Go ahead, it's ok to post stuff and check your IG. I'm going to also. Just understand how meaningless it is. Oh, and wear something red ❣❣🖍🖍, I think that was the original purpose to this article ❌⭕️❌⭕️.