Bruschetta Two Ways

Bruschetta has always been one of the easiest ways to initially greet guests. “Ew, bruschetta” said no one ever. We all know the typical way it’s served, with diced tomatoes etc. I wanted to bring a fresh version of this tried and true appetizer to my most recent gathering. I leafed through one of my Martha Stewart cookbooks to get some inspiration. Often I just make recipes up as I go along but sometimes I need to call on the true queens of cooking to get the juices flowing. I love Martha’s “Meatless” cookbook; that’s where I drew inspiration from here. It’s a great book that’s essential for vegetarians. Bruschetta is great because you can use a variety of breads to toast for your base. There are so many toppings to choose from too. The hearty mushrooms and tangy olives were a great duo, and they looked lovely served alongside one another. I love giving options, that’s the nurturer in me. After all, isn’t feeding people one of the most nurturing acts one can do?

Lemon Olive Bruschetta:

A loaf of French bread or the bread of your choice sliced into small rounds. Brush one side of the bread rounds with olive oil and toast or bake until slightly crisp. Set aside.

You’ll also need one cup chopped pitted good quality olives. I used a multicolored mix which was so pretty.

One peeled, seeded, and chopped lemon.

One tbsp finely chopped red onion.

one cup of coarsely chopped marinated artichoke hearts.

1/4 tsp sugar.

3 tbsp good olive oil.

Two to three tbsp chopped fresh mint.

Season with salt and freshly ground pepper and mix all and spoon on toasts. Martha used celery and parsley in place of the artichokes and mint, FYI. You have room here to vary. I thought the artichokes would go nicely with the tang factor, and that the mint would liven it all up. It worked beautifully.

Mushroom Garlic Bruschetta:

Same bread instructions. If you have another kind of bread it’s nice to use two different kinds to suit the two different toppings. Or, you can cut a regular loaf of bread into squares and toast those too.

You’ll need:

1 1/2 pounds chopped fresh mushrooms, any kind or kinds. I used a mix of porcini, chanterelle, and oyster.

Two cloves minced fresh garlic.

Two tbsp of fresh thyme.

1/4 cup Dry white wine on hand to deglaze as you’re sautéing.

Sauté all ingredients until mushrooms start to turn golden and release their juices. Deglaze with wine by the tbsp as needed. Season with salt and fresh pepper and top toasts with mixture. Garnish with some additional fresh thyme leaves. Alternate toasts on the same serving platter for a nice presentation. Have cocktail napkins on hand!

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins

I’m in love with each word in this title. Nothing not to like. I whipped these up for a recent weekend when my girls had friends over. I cleaned up the white flour by swapping it for almond and coconut flours. Admittedly I was pressed for time so I kept the brown sugar that I was used to adding, but please let me know if you have a good substitution for that. These little treats did get a bit crumbly so handle gingerly. They were delicious toasted with butter for breakfast.

Ingredients:

1 cup almond flour

1/3 cup coconut flour

1 cup almond milk or the milk of your choice

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup rolled oats

2/3 cup granulated or packed brown sugar

3 tbsp vegetable oil

1 large egg lightly beaten

1tsp vanilla

1 cup chocolate chips (I used Lily’s, much less sugar).

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400. Grease and flour the bottoms only of a muffin tin. Sift together the dry ingredients except the sugar then add oats. Combine milk, sugar, oil, egg, and vanilla. Add to dry ingredients but gently mix only until combined. Over mixing muffins makes them dense.

Gently fold in chocolate chips. You can substitute raisins, craisins, or a combo. Spoon batter into the muffin cups 2/3 rds full. Bake about 20 minutes until tops are golden brown and a toothpick tester comes out clean. Cool significantly then gently remove. I used two spoons to lift them out. The alternate flours made them more delicate than had I used regular all purpose flour, but the sub was obviously so worth it.

Fresh in Ganesh

Ob. Sessed. With this clothing brand in Bali called Warriors of the Divine. I found them on Instagram. Their clothing is handmade, fair trade, such good quality, and arrives quickly in the mail. I’ve received their packages from Bali faster than my friends in my neighborhood received my son’s bar mitzvah invitations. I’m not even kidding, the state of the postal service is depressing.

As many of you know, I have really found comfort and growth in yoga and zen philosophy. Ganesh is a Hindu god and a prime symbol of yogic tenants. He is the elephant god and symbolizes many things, including overcoming obstacles and staying positive and in control. He remains playful and joyful despite obvious physical challenges. I love clothing with meaning which is why a kimono with a message is perfect. This robe is the statement piece. Worn barefoot over classic jeans and a tank top, with only Mala beads as an accessory, this look was my fave from the shoot. This robe is glamorous and could also be worn as an overcoat on top of a cocktail dress. I wore it over a black jumpsuit and huge earrings to meet Diane Von Fürstenberg a couple weeks ago (name drop!). I got a ton of compliments over the originality of the piece. It was gratifying to align fashion with spirituality. I like wearing my heart and soul on my sleeve🕉.

Listen to Lizzo: Water Me

MAN-ifesting

About a year ago my therapist gave me an assignment. It was to write down in detail as to what kind of man I envisioned myself with. I balked initially but then got enthusiastic about it. She wanted eye color, body type, and any other specific I could think of. It started to sound like a more appealing exercise to me. I could design this male in exact accordance to my desires and specifications. I have had much proof of the powerful force that is manifestation in general. I believe in it. Why not apply it to this? I also am a fan of Dr Joe Dispenza, who teaches that if we imagine and are grateful for our dreams before they are made manifest, then we are inviting said dreams into our lives already. Feeling gratitude for our visions as if they’ve already happened actually creates new neural pathways that draw our visions straight towards us like magnets. It’s incredible how science and spirituality are merging so quickly. I have tried this and it works. I’ll repeat in my mind “thank you so much for x,y,z” over and over. Just imagining whatever scenario I’m calling into reality makes me happy. The happiness is caused by the release of certain chemicals in my brain. My joy and appreciation pulls what I want towards me, as per what the Law of Attraction dictates (Abraham Hicks is the best Source on the Law of Attraction). It’s like the gratitude chemicals magnetically suck what you want into your life. Um, yes please🏼‍♀️. Whatever we focus on multiplies; focusing on the negative just compounds that. Even whining about the rain will just make everything worse. Therefore zeroing in on the positive will energetically increase the good stuff too.

At first my list about the perfect guy included fairly typical traits. I did go into great detail since I’m a descriptive thinker, but there were just certain qualities that did not occur to me to articulate. I thought they were a given. Ha. Nothing in life is given. We earn it by pulling it towards us with hard work, but nothing is for free. Personal commitment and intentional awareness is required. We are rewarded only after we fight for consciousness and unpeel layers of blockages. The magic will indeed come but not on its own. It will come when we partner with Source via active alignment. Basically, how can we expect to receive something we haven’t clearly asked for? A few months ago my therapist had me check and rewrite my list. Again I resisted; what, I had been thorough. I can knock out a good list, thank you very much. She was right though. An old version of me had written the first one. There were things on there that no longer held true for me, and there were certain really important traits missing. For instance, stability. I’m a stable person for the most part. It always surprises me when someone reveals themselves to be lacking in that department. It’s remarkable how many people walking around are completely unreliable, unstable, inconsistent, and totally full of shit. It doesn’t mean these people don’t have what to teach us, but it also doesn’t mean they get to date us. Stable, cleanly intentioned, aligned, awakened, conscious, honest with themselves, someone who doesn’t use superficial forms of escapism to avoid their work. No, my original list didn’t include these. As soon as I began to redraft I felt empowered. I had begun to place my order for what I know I need. To be honest, my original list included someone who is addicted to me. I know why I wrote that, but that’s nuts; any form of addiction isn’t healthy or stable. There’s zero balance in that scenario. That is attachment and not love. I can’t be anyone’s fix, nor should someone be mine. We both need to be super solid on an individual level before coming together. If someone needs to escape in me, which has happened many times, that is a red flag. The attention aspect clouded that for me. My vision is so much clearer now. Being smothered is familiar to me so that’s what I thought I wanted. The absence of obsessiveness made me feel rejected. Whoa; zero equanimity there. My new list includes consistency, reliability, emotional intelligence. I did not write those originally because I didn’t think I was worthy of that (subconsciously). The push and pull in relationships was all I knew. A solid, unwavering midline wasn’t a concept I knew existed. Most married couples I know got together when they were 23. There is almost no shot at finding your own strong sense of balance on your own that young, its developmentally too early. There just hasn’t been enough growth since being a child. Most adults never achieve true balance. This takes time and tremendous dedication. And honesty and courage.

Its incredible; I’ve rewritten my MANifestation list several times. Each time I have, a guy like that was called into my reality. Each time the list gets honed and refined. I’m still learning what kind of partner I need and it’s in direct correlation to the kind of partner I need to be too. The triggers of my former habits pop up like that game Whack a Mole. This is good, it’s a chance to integrate all I’ve studied and work through them. There is no transformation without facing these triggers. Add to list: someone I can talk to about all this stuff cuz he gets it. Partnership isn’t role filling so two people can subscribe to an idea of superficial coupledom. It’s so they can RELATE to one another. In the deepest sense. This is how people grow together, by watering each other. That requires deep kindness, sensitivity, and encouragement. I’ve had enough experiences over the past couple years where I was left bewildered. It’s because I wasn’t asking clearly. We get sent what we need, and what we need is a series of tests that are meant to teach us to level up. These tests will keep coming until we change. Once we graduate, new ones will arrive. I mentally add to my list every day. It’s an exercise that always brings me peace. It’s really thrilling to imagine how things will be with this human. I’ll get it, just watch. Not because I deserve it (which I do) but because it’s simply the Law. Ask and you shall receive. This, my Friends, is how powerful we are. Don’t waste your requests. If they’re going to be granted regardless, make damn sure you’ve thought this through. There is a force out there that wants to give you what you want; you need to be crystal clear on what that is. Your relationship emanates from you. It’s been gratifying and also sad at times to admit that I need to do away with what clearly no longer serves me. No one said change isn’t hard and uncomfortable. I thank my old lists that gave rise to my new ones. May we all harness the innate powers of manifestation for our greatest and highest good.

Never Gets Old

Denim and white is this incredible pairing that just never gets old. Always feels fresh. There’s just something that’s ridiculously appealing about it. What better, more classic way to give this new top a whirl than by putting it with a mid length denim skirt? So feminine, Springy, clean, and pretty. I’m obsessed with this new white wrap top with lace detail from Love Shack Fancy (love shack Ba-a-byyyyy). It wraps perfectly, meaning it wraps well and lays right. It’s annoying when a wrap item puckers and then you wind up fussing with it the whole time. Not comfortable or attractive. I dig the combo of the romantic vibe with the solid feel of the denim. Any color denim works with white, but I liked the mid level wash here because it gave enough contrast while still feeling soft (as opposed to a dark rinse). This look can be work day to evening for a dinner on the earlier side. Like I wouldn’t wear this to go out at 10 o’clock at night but it’s perfect to grab the early bird special. Keep the accessories neutral and soft. Jewelry gold or neutral, maybe a little infusion of turquoise depending on the shoe and bag choice. This whole look should read as easy, classic, and fresh. Exactly the mood we want on a Spring day.

Listen to New kids on the block: Summertime

Dumping Grounds

Here is the chief reason why most relationships fail and suffer; the majority of  people project and dump all their issues onto their partner. All of us have so much hurt, fear, anger, loneliness, confusion , frustration, anxiety, and lack filling up our human casings. That’s just how it is, how this incarnation goes. It’s incredibly common and almost a given that when we find ourselves in a relationship with another, it’s like “Ok, here you go. Here are my issues for you to hold. This is what you signed up for. You hold them so I can take a break. You love me right? So you’re supposed to do this for me”. It’s like this emotional vomiting under the assumption that the other person is meant to serve as our barf bucket. When they don’t want to stink like our regurgitation anymore, or at least try to duck, we get angry. Resentful. Scared no one will absorb all the things we ourselves can’t. Projectile emotional vomiting is really what it is. I have been on both ends of this unappealing scenario many times. I have been called on to stand there like a human landfill. I have also poured my own shit onto others, before I had any idea about how this works. Before I had any idea how I as an individual work. Like, no clue. It’s like trying to read without learning the alphabet. It’s just not possible or realistic to have a healthy, thriving relationship without learning yourself really damn well. Self study is a required course we all must take over and over again. There is no graduation from this one, it’s a lifelong class. This is essential in regard to love in order to avoid burying your partner under your mountains of issues. It’s not fair or sustainable. It’s wildly impractical because nothing can last under those conditions. Putting aside the notion that you don’t want to do that to someone you claim to love, it’s on the most pragmatic level, a recipe for failure. It’s expecting a plant to live and stay green though it’s covered with an old, dusty blanket under the bed. I’m not even talking about epic romantic love, or that blissful state of being with the right person who moves you like no one else (not a myth). I’m talking about the most basic, necessary elements of keeping any relationship together, even from the standpoint of friendship and companionship. When the people in a relationship have no individual equanimity, it is a given that the relationship itself will have none too. Two jacked up puzzle pieces can’t  harmoniously interlock. Each piece needs to have fairly smooth edges and know where it belongs. It needs to know how necessary and important it is to complete the overall picture. Each piece needs to know its value and place in the scope of what is trying to be achieved. Think about it in terms of how the heart space works with the element of air, in regard to the Hindu chakra system. I’ve written about this before but it’s something I think about every single day. The more I learn about self love and how I want to relate to others, as well as how others should relate to me, the clearer this association becomes. Simply put, when someone is burying you under their messy emotional and psychological avalanche you cannot breathe. Literally. The chest tightens and constricts. There is absolutely a lack of air. The mind, body, and heart are in dire need of a healthy oxygen supply. That’s why love keeps us alive when it’s healthy and kills us when it’s not. I so often hear people in relationships say they feel like they can’t breathe under the weight of the dynamic. It’s heavy and suffocating. It begins to manifest physically. You feel slow, sad, sluggish, lethargic. The air has been sucked out. No one can breathe. Both parties become trapped in this vicious cycle of dumping and being dumped on. I dump my fear and insecurities onto you, so you now dump your resentment onto me. And so on. Everyone gets shat on in some capacity, and it’s actually insane to get angry at someone for not only wanting to not eat your shit, but to also not want to make you all clean and pretty after. Listen, when we are in relationships we are in something together, no question. We sign up to hold each other’s hair back and soothe each other when the bile arises. We want our partner to share with us so we can stand next to them and lift them up, just like how we need that too. But nowhere does that translate to us standing still while the other person aims and fires. I have done a lot of work in this area in terms of myself. Lately I’ve been thinking of how I now want and deserve to be related to. Meaning, the guy needs to know himself really well, claim responsibility for whatever resides within his own heart and psyche, and not pour his issues onto me. I have that overly empathic instinct to fix, to help, to fill holes. I’m just now learning boundaries with that, as well as respecting the other person’s timeline. Everyone needs to heal at their own pace, but everyone is indeed responsible to heal. I will no longer play the role of the lifeguard. I want to swim next to someone. Climb on my back when you get tired, but be strong and skilled enough to navigate choppy waters when I need assistance as well. This points to me newly learning that I don’t have to be the chief lifeguard anymore. After half a lifetime of providing for myself emotionally, while failing sometimes, it’s very new for me to allow myself to soften and rest. To receive, to restore. To breathe while holding hands with someone after one of those satisfyingly breathless ocean swims. To balance decades of constant motion and activity by creating space within. Space that allows for the entrance of the right person. Clear, fresh space that is only revealed after we take out the trash. Holes that need to be filled by someone else are bad. Space and air that creates room for someone are good. Since I work so hard to maintain equanimity in my own life, and it’s a constant practice, I need a man who does the same. If he isn’t committed to himself how can he be committed to me? If he’s not attuned to his own deep needs how can there be any room for mine? If he doesn’t see himself honestly and bravely then I won’t be seen either. We must do the work alone so that we can do it together. The goal is true partnership. That only comes after you partner with yourself first. To dump all your shadows onto another human is lazy, cruel, sadistic, and unfair. I don’t want to be any of those things, and I won’t be a landfill for those traits in another. My grounds have been cleaned up. I tend to them religiously because there’s no choice. They are green, lush, vibrant, and full of life. I welcome anyone who wants to plant seeds that we can nurture together. The unseen soil must be rich and healthy so the earth can birth the trees, fruit, and flowers. I want to plant a forest with someone. We need to tend to ourselves before we can tend to each other. I have always hated littering. It’s rude and thoughtless. It’s irresponsible. Healthy, loving individuals don’t litter on each other. It comes attached to a fine that’s impossible to pay.

Cauliflower Mac and Cheese

 I’m not a dairy lover so I’ve never been the Mac n’ cheese  gal in the room. However, I do have a daughter who just loves it. My boys like it too but only the gross neon orange kind from a box. It may as well say, “manufactured in Chernobyl”. So while my little guys would never touch a fresh version that’s made with a vegetable, my second daughter loved this variation. It might even be more of a cauliflower gratin, but either way it’s delicious. I really dug it too. I looked up a bunch of cauliflower Mac n cheese dishes online and almost all contained ingredients totally counterproductive to cooking healthy. Flour, butter, massive quantities of cheese. Frankly none of them seemed healthy or clean. I came up with this one and it was a big hit while keeping the load light.

Ingredients:

Two large heads cauliflower cut into small florets

1 1/2 cups shredded cheese of your choice

A small bunch of fresh oregano

1/4 pulverized original GG crackers to use as breadcrumbs.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400. Spread the florets in a pan and sprinkle with salt, pepper, paprika, and garlic powder. Bake until fork tender, about 40 minutes. When ready, mix with half the cheese and half the breadcrumbs. Put in a greased 9X13 baking dish.  Put remaining cheese on top, add the fresh oregano leaves, then remaining GG crumbs. Drizzle with olive oil and bake for 15 minutes until the cheese melts. If using a metal pan you can broil for a quick minute to crisp up the top. Don’t broil in a glass pan!  Can serve in individual ramekins or bake as such too. This is a sophisticated, zero guilt take on a classic favorite. Enjoy!

Baked Veggie Omelette

This is a fabulous breakfast or brunch dish. It’s fast and easy to assemble, it feeds a crowd, and you can use any vegetables you have on hand. I used sun-dried tomatoes, peppers, onions, parsley and cilantro. Really any combination of fresh herbs, cheese, and veggies work. I find cracking eggs to be so satisfying 🥚so this was a fun little sensory exercise pour moi. This dish cuts very neatly into squares and looked beautiful on the plate next to the salad and fish I prepared. It’s a light and lovely accompaniment to any meal, or as the featured protein.

Ingredients:

A dozen eggs

1 cup shredded cheese of your choice

1 white onion diced

A diced green pepper

A diced red pepper

1 cup julienned sun-dried tomatoes not packed in oil

3/4 cup skim milk

1/3 cup each loosely packed chopped flat leaf parsley and cilantro (or dill).

Feel free to use sautéed mushrooms, asparagus, chopped plum tomatoes, or steamed chopped broccoli.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350. Spray a 9x13 pan with non stick spray. Sauté all your chopped vegetables, the onion first. Always deal with your aromatics first, they set the stage flavor wise. Mix the vegetables in a large bowl. Add a dozen beaten whole eggs and all the other ingredients. Pour in the pan. Bake for about 35 to 40 minutes until the eggs are set. Cool slightly, slice, and serve🥚🥦🥑

Un Yearning

It is a deeply intense process, unlearning the selves we think we are. The identities we have accumulated over the entire course of our lives. Even if those identities include many positive qualities and strengths, they still exist on a surface level. They were labels handed to us by our parents, teachers, social peers, and ultimately ourselves. Think of that last powerful scene in the classic 80’s teen movie “The Breakfast Club” (ugh, I can’t believe I had to even explain what that film is but whatever). The scene where the narrator is labeling each kid in detention. Each kid had a role, and it was discovered throughout the movie that none of them wanted them. Even the pretty and popular ones hated the boxes they were assigned to. It’s natural for us to start to work towards fitting into our designated boxes. We are given identities and roles so early on, so it’s almost confusing to abandon those ideas, even if they don’t quite make sense to our young souls. Who are we without them? After all, grown ups know better. They must know something we don’t. We want to please people so much, and living up to other people’s ideas of who we need to be is a great way for us to gain their approval. As we get older ourselves, and these assigned roles have hijacked our true natures altogether, leaving us seemingly bereft of plot, we become trapped in this endless cycle of false identity accumulation. A huge reason for this is that our bodies and minds have become emotionally and physiologically addicted to certain thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and reactions. That is where the prison is built. And why we do often have that feeling of “I wish I could stop thinking about this or doing this but I just can’t”. You feel trapped in your own bullshit because you actually are. I have experienced this many times. Where I’ve pleaded with myself to just stop whatever it was that was weighing me down, and I just wasn’t able to. Until we learn about what emotional addiction really is, and how it conspires with the brain to perpetuate our pain and poor choices, it is almost impossible to live a healthy life. I have learned so much from The Holistic Psychologist on Instagram. Her name is Dr Nicole LaPera and she is an absolute game changer. She explains in very user friendly terminology about why we are so messed up, and more importantly, HOW WE CAN A THOUSAND PERCENT HEAL OURSELVES. No one has to be stuck, but know this; no one is coming to save you either. This is work no one can do for you. It’s not possible. No one has access to your insides. Only you know the ingrained depths of your own painful neurotic reactivity.  Only you can chart the same unhealthy, self destructive patterning and conditioning that has taken up residence in your human. Please look up this account, I promise you’ll learn so much. There are so many keys to freedom and wellbeing but you have to get them yourself.

I recently saw a friend who was painfully recounting the same thing she’s been stuck on for as long as I’ve knew her. I am certain she wants out of this thought pattern, she’s told me so.  She knows the actions of this other person are why they are, and why they don’t pertain to her. But she couldn’t stop the mental and emotional runaway train. This is where we remain stuck. And where we carry so much shame for re-enacting our own crap. We are embarrassed and unaligned. There is an added layer of pain in our shitty choices. Betraying ourselves hurts deep. As the hole gets larger, the need to cling to those outer identities increases. As our insides don’t feel so great, the need to pretend the outsides are ok multiplies. “I’m ok” is one of the most irksome phrases. Life is never just one thing at a time, so how can we sum up our current state with two little letters?? It’s usually a lie we tell ourselves and others. It’s the most convenient answer. Ten minutes before my friend was trapped in her emotional addiction she told me she was “ok”. Emotional addiction is a real thing almost everyone has. All of us have patterning we feel helpless to stop. Pain we feel powerless to. Well, that’s the force of any kind of addiction. We have become powerless out of habit. As always, the shitty stuff wins because of the longevity factor. It’s just so freaking familiar. It’s what we know, so there’s a perverse mental message involved; I know this is going to hurt but at least there’s predictability. I am safe because I know the outcome. This is one of the functions of the ego mind; to keep you safe in the most messed up ways since it’s all it knows. Read that again. As I was reading about emotional addiction and the brain chemical reaction involved, my own patterning flew up in my face. None of this was new to me, since I have made untangling myself a massive project the past few years, but I did see certain things from a new angle. I finally saw what others have told me but that I hadn’t yet internalized on my own. The patterning I’m referring to has to do with my assigned role in romantic relationships. The role given to me by both myself and others, which no doubt stems from my earliest childhood bonding experience. For the record, some of the most unaware, unconscious people I know have terrific, loving relationships with their parents. They’re just as lost, if not more so, since they were put on this illusionary pedestal. Point being, there are no rules here. No formula for emotional health. I think it’s par for the course for it to be the Wild West in each of our minds just so that we can lasso the shit out of the horses fleeing in all different directions. It has to first be anarchy for us to gain control. Control leads to tranquility.  Ease. Calm. How great that our sense of safety and prediction can rest in a healthy, loving space? That’s where the heart trumps ego mind; when we can belly crawl to the place where our heart tells us we are safe because we are resting in loving awareness, instead of false safety due to predicting and anticipation of fear. I have been living in a fear based role my whole life. One that was built on me sitting, waiting, hoping, yearning, and longing for love, approval, recognition, and validation. Waiting to be good enough to be seen and chosen. I don’t like writing about this publicly. It’s not comfortable to expose myself like this. But that’s what I have committed to here and in my life in general; sharing and connection.

Here’s what I realized recently; the ingrained habits and cycles of yearning and longing actually truly no longer apply. My life is different. My choices are endless, my directions determined by me alone. Not in a lofty, abstract way but in actual reality. I kind of knew that but my emotional addiction to that miserable ache crept in constantly. It’s all I’ve known, and so it subconsciously told me my role is to wait. Pain is normal. Yearning is just what we do. I sat with this for awhile and I made a mental list, meticulously separating old facts from new. With discipline I will have to keep doing this until new habits form. I realized all the love, aliveness, passion, connection, expression, and freedom that I’ve been starving for is all around me. It surrounds me because I have worked so hard to awaken and uncover the purity that was hidden under too many veils to count. It’s in me and so I am in it. I literally felt the connection to the air, both my breath and the breeze on my skin as I learned even more about myself, on my porch on Friday afternoon. This is what it means to awaken. To find a new path that leaves behind old suffering. There is simply nothing in my current state that belongs with old mental habits. The emotional addictions have really become obsolete. I haven’t eaten meat or chicken in two years, so why would I look at chicken dishes on a menu? It’s simply no longer applicable or relevant. I’m not interested in those former choices, and my new brain cells don’t want them either. The old thoughts pop up constantly, that doesn’t go away so fast. But I’m so on top of them. Over and over I will see them, honor them, and choose differently until I form new and improved ways of thinking and feeling. If emotions are reactions to our thoughts, then I will train myself to become addicted to a whole new set of wonderful, loving mental and emotional patterns. The ones we were born to have. This takes consistency and commitment; to catch yourself time and again. But I’d rather choose that than to fall further into the old traps that never served me. As Eckhart Tolle says, “suffering is only necessary until you realize it is unnecessary”. I thank Source for giving me the time and space that has allowed me to come to these realizations. There is no right romantic relationship until this happens first. New love becomes old love very quickly unless we give ourselves a total makeover emotionally. And I’ve never been one for a shitty paint job to cover things up. Nah, I’d rather bulldoze the whole damn thing and rebuild. A new structure needs a new foundation. Rebuild or wait for things to crumble again. It’s your choice to get out of your own way or not.

Overall It Works

I have always had a thing for overalls. Since I was in middle school. I have them in several forms, my favorite being this ripped light wash pair from Current and Elliot. It immediately puts me in a TLC zone from the 90’s. This skirt version is so cute too but gets less airtime. They seem to be mood and level of bloat depending. I’m a little on the fence about the whole “age appropriate” thing but screw it. I can still get away with this when it’s done tastefully, as is often the case. This cute little Rag and Bone top works so well. I love the classic summer white with the light blue detailing. I slipped on brightly colored Birkenstock’s which is my summer go to. I do have them in white but that’s too obvious. A pop of fun color was needed. After all, this look is all about cute and fun. My whole life feels much more youthful than it did ten years ago. It’s nice to see that reflect in my wardrobe. These overalls would work over a tank, a tee, or even the right button down and heels. What can you think of from the wardrobe of your youth that can be reintroduced today?

Coat Dress

I love when items are multipurpose. It’s always a delightful surprise; “look! This chair is made of edible plant based protein!”. When versatility translates to clothing it’s just as fun. I bought this lightweight jacket in Tel Aviv on my most recent trip to Israel. Tel Aviv has some excellent avant- guard fashion. I love going to Israel and really treasure what I find there, whether it’s an item of religious significance or anything else. I stayed in the artsy area of Neve Tzedek with my daughter in February. While wandering the little side streets I found this great boutique, Juliette. I loved this light as air, color blocked jacket. I loved the contrast of the gray and blush pink, the popped collar, and the drawstring cords. And of course that it wasn’t clear if it was a jacket or dress. Let’s make it both. I love adding to the color blocking with a clean white shoe, be it a sneaker, flat, or bootie. I wore this to synagogue recently and it was a super cool five second look. Effortless, chic, and innovative.

Listen to Mose Allison- your mind is on vacation

Fish and Slaw

 This dish is much prettier than how I lazily titled this post (not sure why I crapped out here on creativity). It’s a fantastic lunch or dinner for warm weather. Crisp, colorful slaw is gorgeous on the eyes, fresh in the mouth, and is the perfect accompaniment to a cleanly sautéed or grilled piece of fish. I used Dorado here but I leave that to you. I love making salads that are bright, beautiful, and light. I never make creamy or thick dressings because I don’t eat them. The idea of mayo on a salad makes me 🤢. Most of the Lady Blaga dressings are similar vinaigrette’s since that’s how I cook and eat. I’d never drown a salad, it’s just not appealing to me. This was a delight to put together, fun to plate, and even better to eat.

For the salad:

A bag of shredded purple cabbage

Half a bag of shredded carrots

Two handfuls of white bean sprouts

A handful of golden raisins

A couple of handfuls of dried soybeans for crunch and texture- Relax, I wore gloves.

Half a cup of packed, chopped flat leaf parsley and a third of a cup of julienned fresh mint leaves. Mint in a salad is always a winner. 

Directions:

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and set aside.

For the dressing; a third of a cup each extra virgin olive oil and fresh lemon juice, three tbsp apple cider vinegar, and salt and pepper to taste. Whisk well and gently toss over the dressing. Set aside or plate, then cook the fish. I bought two dorado fillets, skin on. I seasoned the non skin side with salt and peeper. I heated a large skillet with a couple tbsp of olive oil and let it heat very well. I placed the fish skin side down, let it cook 3 to 4 minutes until the skin was crisped, flipped it carefully, then cooked the other side over lower heat until golden brown. Serve a piece of fish alongside the slaw for a lovely, healthy, complete meal. You can totally make this into fish tacos using soft tortillas and guacamole.

Prayer Giver

Here’s what’s uncomfortable for me about prayer; if I’m asking for something that means I don’t currently have it. It’s hard to need something and admit we are falling short in a specific department. If we’re talking about praying in terms of communicating with a higher power, I’m down. Love it, never doubted it. I’m not shy; if I can talk to a wall then certainly I can talk with Source. But as far as asking or pleading for something, well, that makes me feel like I’m in a very disempowered space. I know that’s just my perception that’s most likely based on old standards of perfection I was held to since childhood. The criticisms I’d get for not doing or being what was expected of me. Which morphed into adult judgement if I didn’t provide for everyone around me at all times. Therefore, admitting I’m not providing for myself is a bitter pill to swallow. Also, givers have a hard time asking for things. I’ve become so much better in that area. In fact I’d say it’s no longer an issue in most 3D ways. I’ve found that I feel I’m nurturing myself when I can ask others for things, whether it’s emotional support or help with carpool. People generally like to help, so an instant connection is established between the giver and the receiver. It feels nice. But when I’m praying for strength, wisdom, guidance, discipline, or clearing out old systems, I don’t like admitting I’m not handling that on my own. I feel weak, like I’m begging. And it makes me feel very uneasy to ask for wisdom and strength that I am lacking. My tendency to be hard on myself (sup, a lifetime of such conditioning) goes to that place of feeling deficient. Rationally I know that’s silly and false. Of course it’s ok, healthy, and expected to turn to Source. For anything at anytime. Who else is better equipped to hold our hand? But that deeply private level of vulnerability can be scary to talk about. There are only two options; asking for assistance or denying we need any. Clearly one is the better route and truthfully, discomfort is ok. We are so wired to run from anything that brings up uneasiness. Lately I’ve been praying (I hate that to me this equals pleading) for help in guiding certain energies I was pouring outward back to me. To reroute the same feelings just towards myself, where they belong. I feel it working as I imagine gusts of energy entering me, which fills me with tenderness and elation (love). I have also been redirecting that energy towards embracing the magic of uncertainty. Which is really the kicker for me right now. In a space of uncertainty anything is possible. Since there’s no need to be right, then there’s no room for wrong. One can’t exist without the other. It’s a necessity polarity. The key to embracing uncertainty fully is trust. So what this really is enforcing is just that. Which is the essence of prayer; we ask because we trust the recipient of our request with the preciousness of our deepest needs. And yes, while asking for help can feel uncomfortable, it’s a far lousier feeling to willingly remain stuck in heavy, limiting holding patterns. Ask or stuff the freedom of change down your throat where it’s sure to eat you up from the insides. Prayer has existed literally forever since we are designed to do it. It’s like refusing to breathe or eat, in that a part of you might die without it. The soul craves it. It’s both a relief and a release to unload our deepest pains onto a listening, non judgmental force. It’s a conversation we are forced to have with ourselves before we share it. It gives shape to our needs, hurts, and desires. Prayer comes in many forms. It is according to your design. It requires no book, just a truthful heart. So yeah, I’ve been asking for extra guidance and reinforcement lately. There’s a limiting energy I’ve been stuck in for too long. As always, talking to someone helps. May you receive support and guidance for whatever it is you may need help with at this moment. Please don’t ever think you’re going through life unheard. It only works if you believe it.

Apres Shabbos

 If you’re an observant Jew, the words “after Shabbos” are part of your vernacular. It’s always been so amusing to me that this day of rest which we all look forward to, gets forgotten about in two seconds as soon as it’s technically over. Even from childhood that transition from quiet and staying put to tv, phone calls, and a maniacal need to make plans has made me anxious. It’s too startling a shift. It still bothers me; “what’s the rush?” I’ll hold onto tranquility as much as I can. It saddens me that my kids, and certainly myself, lunge for our phones as soon as we can. That driving need for technology and distraction. Oh well, such is modern life. At least we do have the gift of those stripped down 25 hours once a week.

I don’t view Shabbos as religious. Personally, I see it as required detox that does indeed force us to sit with ourselves. If done mindfully, we will automatically connect to God. I wish everyone would keep it, not just Jews. I’ve always felt blessed to have been raised with Shabbos in my routine. Having said that, I ordered this custom tank top from my fave Kidd’s boutique, Gigi and Lo. My friend Elisha who owns the store is a hilarious human. I look at her and laugh. Her humor and pizazz shine through in her incredibly curated inventory. Her children’s clothing ranges from classy and understated to “rah rah let’s party!”. There’s something for everyone taste wise. I saw Elisha designing custom “apres pool” children’s wear on her instagram last year. I loved the nod to the whole “apres ski” genre; that category alone is so satirical to me. My crazy Jewess brain naturally went to “apres Shabbos” and Elisha was happy to bring my lil vision to fruition.  This tank cracks me up. I will incorporate humor anywhere I can. I love pairing this silly shirt with a more serious pants suit. This look here was a great transitional move. A light boyfriend blazer that is easily removed when temperatures warm up. A tank and leather pants never need an explanation. These rad shades were found on sale in a random bin in a nutso boutique in Tel Aviv, which leads me to believe they might not actually be Miu Miu (who cares). Peeps, I highly recommend paying Gigi and Lo a visit. It’s located in Teaneck, New Jersey. It’s a magnificent store with a delightful range of children’s clothing and accessories. You’ll have the best dressed kid at the party (not that you care about that, of course not).

Blaga for the WIN

If you’ve been following my stories, or if you’re one of my three friends who know about my life but don’t have Instagram, then you are aware I DJ’d the WIN Summit recently in NYC. Let me start by saying this gig was exactly a year after my first big gig at the Surrey Hotel Rooftop. To the day. I am truly blown away by what has transpired in that year. Personally, professionally, musically, emotionally, and spiritually. My whole demeanor, attitude, and confidence level was completely different than last May. Before the Surrey gig I cried and threw a tantrum towards my instructor (who laughed in my face). This time around I was calm, excited, and ready to roll. This gig was more involved, in that I played at three different points throughout, each with a different mood and set list. I enjoyed this aspect very much. I love a vibe challenge as well as meeting the varying needs of the crowd. Music is obviously an important sensory experience, so I wanted to provide that on as deep a level as I could. It was fun watching some bumping and grooving in this corporate environment. It’s a kick for me when people let loose when they may not have expected that to happen. 

At the private dinner the night before the main summit, each speaker went around the table, introduced themselves, and spoke about their company and how they’ve contributed to the topic of Women In Negotiation (WIN). I sat at the table in between spinning as well, and what I said was this. I honestly and plainly stated that I had nothing to add in terms of women negotiating in the workplace since I’ve never been in a typical workplace. My only exposure to an office has been watching “The Office”. I did not even graduate college (not my fault; bed rest while pregnant). So my hook was how several years ago I had to negotiate with myself. How I was at a clear crossroads in all areas of my life. I had to come to the conclusion, after years of desperately needing some sort of promotion, that I was indeed going to advocate for myself in life. Give myself that raise no one else thought I deserved. Learn new things so I could increase my value in my own mind. It was that or quit. I noted that no one at that table did not at one point go through rounds of self negotiation before they could then state their case to their superior.  These women had spent years learning their worth before they could assert themselves professionally. They, on a deeper level, had to have believed they were worthy and deserving of being seen, heard, and recognized. I saw the heads nodding and the  not so quiet “Amens!” Everyone likes a personal story. It makes the speaker more relatable and open. In the five minutes that I had the mic, I felt I could connect by going that route. It never fails me because it’s authentic. Listen, I can’t go toe to toe with a financial powerhouse from UBS in a numbers discussion. I can’t talk about leading a team of hundreds in Silicon Valley. I know an embarrassingly little amount about politics (does Veep count??). But I know what it means to fight for yourself from your heart, and what it means to wrestle with your head in order to get to where you need to be in life. I’ve learned painful lessons about self worth that came in layers of introspective honesty, patience, and compassion. Not to mention courage.  I’ve learned to know what it means to manifest your new life, and to love the present while dreams of the future are seen so clearly they feel as if they’ve already happened. I’ve learned that the sky is the limit if your vibration is one of joy, truth and passion. I’ve learned to struggle through seemingly endless obstacles and roadblocks in order to achieve. I’ve learned to ignore the often wounding and hurtful remarks from those who don’t support you, because it hurts way worse to not honor yourself. I’ve learned that if your vision is pure, you will organically get to where you need to go. A big smile and some appropriate chutzpah doesn’t hurt.         

The women I met at WIN were a new species that I was fortunate enough to observe. It was frankly the first time I’ve ever encountered female professionals and pioneers on such a mass scale. It was a treat to walk amongst them for a day and a half. I learned a lot, especially about how there are so many good sisters out there who genuinely want to lead and inspire, like I hope to do. And if I get to be the creative, musical fairy in glittery pants, then so be it. Oh right, that’s another way to get what you want; stand the F out🏻. Every human, regardless of gender, has the responsibility to negotiate for themselves in every way. This applies to love, friendship, leadership, and being compassionate. It all starts with knowing we are deeply worthy of all that life has to offer. We are the source of all things that have made it into our lives. Self negotiation should never really stop since self study should never stop. We know better, we do better🏻🏻. GET. ITTTTTTTTTT. 

Rose’ Fruit Salad

Easiest. Summer. Dessert. Ever. This was a last minute addition to our most recent food shoot. I was frantically trying to prep all my recipes, and the fire department had just showed up since apparently I forgot how to make toast. I like to be as efficient as possible during these shoots. Squeezing in as many recipes as possible is clearly ideal.

The night before I had bought some summer stone fruit for my son. He loves peaches, apricots, and plums. I love them too and it’s joyful each time they reappear at the market. I knew I had a bottle of Rose’ chilling in the fridge and voila; what’s faster and fresher than having some gorgeous fruit soak in some wine? This is the perfect light dessert for anyone who needs to end each meal on a sweet note, like this girl right here. Most fruits should work but the combo I threw together was perfect.

I used a large white peach sliced, two apricots sliced, blackberries, blueberries, and two blood oranges cleaned and separated into segments.

I gently tossed them with 3 tbsp of Rose’, covered the bowl in plastic wrap, and chilled in the fridge for 30 minutes. I’d say do this for Max an hour so the fruit doesn’t get soggy. Add an extra tbsp of the wine if you want it stronger, but I liked how the 3 tbsp were there yet subtle; the fruit is so delicious on its own. Divide gently into little white bowls and garnish each with one perfect whole mint leaf.  People, summer is finally here.

Listen to CREAM by the WU TANG CLAN