Petty Betty

I've gotta get into this here, the subject of extreme pettiness. I live in a tight knit community. That has its pros and cons. Community as a concept is a complex thing. It should be a group of people joined together to support and sustain each other. When that is the case, the power of community is pure and strong. It feels like a safety net. There is no one that doesn't enjoy and take comfort in this feeling. However, so sadly, and way too often, there are members in the community who infect the bloodstream with their own nonsense. It's easier as an individual to try and combat people like this.

For instance, I just left today's yoga meditation and my mantra was,"stay intact, don't react". My mantras are never the same. What works for today may not be the right fit for tomorrow. They're all good, but instinctively my spirit knows what it needs to hear on a particular day, so it chooses for me. The spirit is never wrong, so when it lands on a certain mantra, everything feels aligned. The words click and I go with that. Today I needed a reminder to protect my energy, and not get nuts when someone upsets me. I can go from zero to sixty very fast. Rage is an interesting beast. It seduces you quickly, feels good, then abandons you, leaving you with shitty, residual plain old anger. It feels very good when I can let something bounce off me. I'm aiming for more of those kinds of reactions by working to change my "vasana"/patterns.

As a single individual trying to hold on to this concept, I'm more armed and ready when confronted with a lousy situation. However, a community is comprised of the masses, and the masses are generally unsuspecting. It's a throng of people who didn't have a mass conference call that morning to remind each other to "stay intact and not react". There is not always strength in numbers. That idea contradicts the concept of "quality over quantity". I much prefer the latter. I don't see a point to a large group of people who aren't necessarily very nice, and who don't treat each other well. I'd rather stay home alone than attend a party where all the guests are complaining about the food, badmouthing the hostess, whining about the music, and kvetching that they didn't want to go in the first place. Throwing a party is very hard work. It's expensive and time consuming. It is celebrating a certain important event. It is so sad to know that many of your guests are sitting there on your dime with nothing nice to say. It shouldn't be like that. When you select people to be a part of your life, if they really aren't happy for you, get rid of them. Don't invite bad energy and ill wishers. All my older friends have told me it's so liberating to reach the stage where you don't feel obligated by stupid community norms, and can only include those closest to you at your celebrations.

I've always been an older soul, and I've already reached that place. It feels right to be selectively welcoming into my family's life. It's all part of editing your life, which you are entitled to do. Not everyone has the same friends, not everyone needs the same guest list. Get over that.                                          A good friend is someone who both will laugh and cry with you with equal measure. They should wish to only laugh with you, but if they need to cry they will. Above all, a quality friend is one who DOES NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE ABOUT THEMSELVES. Yes, I'm shouting that. I am no dummy, and I'm writing this article in the first place so clearly I'm aware, but I'm always thrown when in the midst of tragedy, some people simply lack the ability to behave in an empathetic, selfless, adult manner. They just make everything about them, and taint the situation with their own pathetic insecurities and competitiveness. Who drove the most carpools, who made the most meals, why was SHE there visiting and I wasn't??. I honestly feel grateful and blessed I'm not wired this way. It's a curse. Talk about a fucked up vasana... That's why I don't see behavior like this coming; it takes one to know one, and thankfully I'm not one.

I recently posted on the Lady Blaga Instagram, this quote, "the weak will always attack the strong. Take it as a compliment and walk the hell away. " While I mean that so deeply, I need to remind myself of that all the time, hence today's aforementioned mantra. I often get very hurt and confused when someone goes after me in a community type of situation. I am well intentioned, want to help from a pure place of love and concern, and that should be enough for everyone. But sadly, it's not. There are diseased women (this epidemic is largely of the female nature) out there/in here, who are so incredibly small minded, that they instinctively need to push everyone else out of the way, and race to the finish line. But they don't even know why they're racing to begin with! Their utter lack of perspective and good intentions completely cloud the issue at hand. The sick, the dying, the dead, the in-firmed, all seem to take a backseat to whatever problem is going on inside themselves. To use the misfortune of others to weasel your way into someone's pain, so you can pat yourself on the back "for helping" before your go to Target and the grocery store... What a sad, horrible way to live.

Some people almost sit and wait for the next bad thing to occur, just so that they will have a reason to feel useful. But the worst, THE WORST, is to be upset and rattled by the presence of those who belong there out of love. A word to the unwise; if you feel left out it is because you are left out. People know who to turn to when they are in the throes of joy, as well as in the throes of sadness. They just know. We want who we want when we want. If someone in the middle of an earthquake needs genuine love and support, how dare you focus on yourself. Maybe that's why no one called you🤔🤔🤔🤔. The evolved approach is to feel sympathy for those who are so emotionally blocked that they just can't put others first. I've known many women like this my whole life. The behaviors and patterns of those women became so familiar to me, I never even thought to observe them until more recently. But like the ugly, old chair in the corner that needs to be thrown out but has become an expected, normal sight, I got used to it. Now I feel like Sigourney Weaver in "Gorillas in the Mist". No disrespect to gorillas intended, they're rad.

As I've mentioned in other posts, I welcome all forms of clarity. It's observations like these that are helping me know who to keep away from. Block, delete, block, delete. Breathe. Smile. As far as the idea of taking it as a compliment when someone petty and weak will try to tear me down or show me up, I thank them for the praise. If my presence is so intimidating and threatening to you, then I must be one fierce force of strength and badassery. Be afraid, be very afraid. I am not going anywhere. Just like I promised , dear readers, you'll get honesty from me every time. And as I spit the truth, trust me, I'll remain intact. You know you loved every word of this, and I love that about you. Love, LB.