Vanity Insanity


So here I am at my NYC salon, getting some much needed highlights. It's funny how my color will go from great to escaped mental patient overnight. It's like one morning I wake up to having more roots than a giant oak. I used to loathe sitting in the color chair for a couple hours, I was too restless. Quality hair color is a luxury; clearly my restlessness had nothing to do with the process, but rather my own state of being. It's a gift to be able to sit in a chair in a top salon and be pampered. What a shame I wasn't able to enjoy that back then. Now I look forward to taking that time to take care of myself. There are many aspects to wellness. Vanity doesn't  necessary negate spirituality. One can meditate then fix her hair or get a manicure. We are multifaceted at all times. I actually did walk to yoga at sunrise this morning, and it was a few moments of majesty. I'm usually doing carpool at that time, so it was a real treat to walk while the sun was just beginning to gently wake up the leaves on the trees. The trees looked dipped in gold, the air was soft and not cold, and the quiet in my neighborhood was calming. Due to a surgical procedure I had six weeks ago, I've had to refrain from my regular yoga. This has been a challenge, but I can proudly report that I handled it far better than I ever would have prior. I quickly learned to find other ways to maintain balance and pliability. The frustration at being limited was kept to a minimum. I did not miss a beat with making time for my spiritual and mental upkeep, and found ways to modify. You can never take a break from mental healing, even while the physical body takes the time it needs to do so. There's always time, even if it's only two minutes. Think about how much time we spend in the black hole of our phones🤔. This was a much needed lesson in restraint, patience, and trust. It came at the right time in my life. Readjusting those patterns take a lot of time and work, but it was a process I needed to start. It's just about having more tools in your box. Reading yogic and self motivational books, setting a timer for mediation, breathing exercises, and  keeping a meditation journal have all been extremely helpful. Life changing, actually. Each of those things are necessary ingredients for me to live the life I want. They aren't temporary additions to my routine, they are now a part of my life. There are many different routes to the same destination. We will get lost many times before gaining direction. It's all part of a never ending process.

How did we get from meditation to highlights? Ah, now I remember😉.  Every time I'm in the salon, I'm deeply unsettled by how many of the older women look. The awful injections and plastic surgery. The bleached blond hair extensions, lack of facial affect, and too trendy clothing cause me to reflect on the slippery slope of vanity. Am I going to keep "taking care of myself" until I look like a wax figure of Donatella Versace?  Will the need to cling to my youth supersede reality and rationale? Will I be able to eventually chill the fuck out and flow with the current of getting older? Will I envy younger, fresher women and be depressed that I passed my peak? These are uncomfortable questions. I most certainly do not want to walk around with a beak for lips, dressed in an air of desperation. However, as a person with a very human measure of vanity who has always taken meticulous care of herself, I might fall into that sad trap. Which would suck. I've invested way too much time in my appearance to have it be derailed by denial and a missing sense of what's age appropriate. When I say "appearance" I don't mean makeup and heels during the week. I'm more often in sweatpants and a t shirt wearing nothing but sunscreen, unless if I have somewhere specific to go. I have zero qualms leaving my house in pajamas. Sometimes my baseline for dressing is simply not to look homeless. The balance of Blaga is that it has injected my life with a hefty dose of glitz and glam, but I'm really a stripped down homie at heart. If my skin and hair look healthy and fresh, and my body feels lean and fit, then I am pleased with my appearance.  Honestly, a denim jacket thrown over pajama pants is cooler than pretty much anything anyway. This is where mental work becomes so crucial at this point of "middle age". So we learn and understand how few to no external trappings we need in life. So we don't confusingly morph into Blanche Dubois. So we appreciate our faces and don't pump them with chemicals to alter them.  I will always take care of myself, it's part of the framework of making myself feel good. But it comes from a place of maintenance, not alteration. Let's have each other's backs with that, yeah? As a society of women who have all means of beautification so available to us, let's just have increased awareness of who we want to remain. Not some freak show version of who our culture tells us we need to become. Those women look crazy and unhappy, and those decisions are irreversible for the most part. Stay beautiful, which means staying You.

Love, the 🐝girl from the Blind Melon video.