Naughty by Nature ft. Zhane - Jamboree

A Poem from Prison

One of the services the New York Zen Center provides, is work with the incarcerated. This is a poem written by an inmate, and it blew me away. I get annoyed when my wifi is out, so to read how this one man reached so deeply into the depths of his soul to find what to hold onto is powerfully inspirational. It’s a really staggering study on humanity, how a prison holds both unspeakable horrors yet unimaginable perspective and gratitude at the same time. We had Hitler and we had Ghandi. Human beings are so extreme, and our capacity both to harm and to help are vast. That duality lives in all of us.

What does reading something like this bring up for you?

WHO UNDERSTANDS ME BUT ME: JIMMY SANTIAGO BACA

-  They turn the water off, so I live without water,

-  they build walls higher, so I live without treetops,

-  they paint the windows black, so I live without sunshine,

-  they lock my cage, so I live without going anywhere,

-  they take each last tear I have, I live without tears,

-  they take my heart and rip it open, I live without heart,

-  they take my life and crush it, so I live without a future,

-  they say I am beastly and fiendish, so I have no friends,

-  they stop up each hope, so I have no passage out of hell,

-  they give me pain, so I live with pain,

-  they give me hate, so I live with my hate,

-  they have changed me, and I am not the same man,

-  they give me no shower, so I live with my smell,

-  they separate me from my brothers, so I live without brothers,

-  who understands me when I say this is beautiful?

-  who understands me when I say I have found other freedoms?

-  I cannot fly or make something appear in my hand,

-  I cannot make the heavens open or the earth tremble,

- I can live with myself, and I am amazed at myself, my love, my beauty,

-  I am taken by my failures, astounded by my fears,

-  I am stubborn and childish,

-  in the midst of this wreckage of life they incurred,

-  I practice being myself, and I have found parts of myself never dreamed of by me,

-  they were goaded out from under rocks in my heart

-  when the walls were built higher,

-  when the water was turned off and the windows painted black.

-  I followed these signs like an old tracker and followed the tracks deep into myself

-  followed the blood-spotted path,

-  deeper into dangerous regions, and found so many parts of

myself,

-  
who taught me water is not everything,

-  and gave me new eyes to see through walls,

-  and when they spoke, sunlight came out of their mouths,

-  and I was laughing at me with them,

-  we laughed like children and made pacts to always be loyal,

- who understands me when I say this is beautiful? 

Listen to Otis Redding Come To Me

Easiest Potato Knish

VERY proud of this one. I had to come up with something quick, easy, and that could feed a crowd of a dozen college students, who were having an outdoor Friendsgiving (all in attendance were tested before, and this is a remarkably responsible group). I love my daughter’s friends, and was really happy these kids were finding a way to celebrate together. It’s been so hard for college kids in so many ways. University years are so major, and this has been a giant bummer for them in particular.

So this came to mind, as a simple yet delicious way to contribute to their pot luck dinner. Frozen pastry dough, instant mashed potatoes, everything bagel seasoning. Done and done. Huge, huge hit. Should I be cheesy and give myself an A+ ? There was not one piece left.

Ingredients for two knishes:
One package of tri paneled pastry dough. I use Pepperidge Farm. One package will give you two things of dough to work with.
Instant mashed potatoes, prepared to box directions. I followed the instructions for four servings.
Deli mustard
One beaten egg for egg wash
Everything Bagel seasoning

Preheat oven to 350. Remove pastry dough and let thaw on a greased baking sheet. Don’t unfold the panels until the dough is thawed and pliable, or it will crack. Prepare the mashed potatoes while dough is thawing. When dough is soft and malleable, open the panels. Spread a layer of mustard down the middle panel. Top with a generous amount of mashed potatoes. Fold side panels, overlapping one on top the other. Pinch with water to seal and smooth. Brush top of the knish with egg wash. Sprinkle with a generous amount of everything seasoning. Repeat with second, if you’re making two. Bake for 30 minutes until golden brown. Slice and serve alongside extra mustard. This is a great party appetizer or side dish.

Burnt Sienna

Thank you to the perpetual box of Crayola crayons of my youth, for teaching me about this color. I truly don’t believe any of us would be aware of this particular shade of orangey brown, if not for that. I’m so in love with this monochrome look! I recently got this on a desperately needed trip to the mall. I was craving a normal activity that involved a lil retail therapy. I hit the jackpot with these two pieces; they are from entirely different brands yet go beautifully together ( I gleefully realized this in the dressing room, which was a needed counterbalance to the devastating effects of cruel department store lighting). These pants are faux leather and are surprisingly versatile. Last week I wore the sweater with a tan leather pencil skirt and brown riding boots. Both of these pieces look great with denim. My reliable leopard heels lent a dose of sexy fun. These non prescription specs let me work out my childhood fantasy of needing glasses. They happen to protect against UV light and all the garbage emanating from screens.

I feel extra warm when I dress in warm colors and tones during this time of year. This was a perfect relaxed, cozy, chic Thanksgiving look. Feeling good is always cause to feel thankful.

Just This One

I don’t think I’ve ever posted just one style pic, but it feels in keeping with this one piece wonder. This is the item that was the building block for last week’s look. It’s the perfect feel and look for staying home, as I’m doing these days, or to use as the ultimate layering piece. The cotton is so soft, the straps are so supportive (eliminating the need for a bra), and the tapered ankle lends a streamlined vibe that doesn’t mess with the comfort factor. I really suggest investing in a jumpsuit like this. It’s an incredibly useful and practical piece. Top it with a knotted, unbuttoned shirt, a boyfriend blazer with pushed up sleeves and a statement necklace, an off the shoulder sweater for sweet winter lounging, or wear it as is with simple complimentary accessories. So many shoe options too. Think of this as black leggings and a black tank top; so cool alone or a great base for endless layering. Simple doesn’t have to mean boring.

Karate Kindness

If you’ve been seeing my stories, you may have caught me mentioning the adopt a senior program I joined for the holidays. I was able to do this through this beautifully inspiring Instagram account called Golden Age Karate. Jeff Wall, a 15 year old from Dayton, Ohio, volunteers his time teaching martial arts to senior citizens in several local nursing homes. I came upon his account about a year ago. Since then he’s been featured in the O Magazine (Oprah), on CNN, just to name a couple. I am continuously moved by this open hearted teenager who has made it his mission to keep local seniors active, strong, and occupied, all while having so much fun. His belief in what they can still achieve and learn has taught these precious members of our society that they’ve still got it! The videos Jeff posts of his students shows these seniors having so much fun, and taking pride in throwing a good punch or kick. The physical benefits are clearly so important, as well as the emotional and mental. When people believe in us, it really is it’s own kind of magic. It’s been so heartwarming, especially in this age where most teens are solely focused on Tik Tok and immediate consumerism, to see an adolescent so focused on giving back, as well as forging inter generational friendships. During the pandemic, Jeff continues to teach and spread his message of love and respect for elders, with masks and all the necessary safety precautions. It was clear he wasn’t going to let covid stop his students from enjoying their beloved lessons. He started an adopt a senior program on social media, thereby affording his followers the opportunity to adopt a senior and send them a gift and a note for the holidays. I was so excited to join, and was partnered with a gentleman. Every time we give purely, we open more and more. I was so moved by Jeff sharing this act of loving kindness with others. Every culture treats the elderly differently. Unfortunately in America, often times the elderly are generally not particularly regarded, and given the attention and respect they deserve. How inspiring to see one teenager take it upon himself to change that. It’s so painful for anyone in any stage of life to feel unseen, unimportant, and forgotten about. Raise your hand if you’ve never felt any of those things. The best gift, aside from a mug that says, “I’m retired and can do what I want”, is the gift of being shown we matter. I can’t think of a better Inspire post before Thanksgiving, than of our youth giving thanks and loving kindness to their elders.

This account represents the best of social media. Without Instagram, I’d never have known of this story or had the opportunity to participate in the senior adoption program. I wouldn’t have known Jeff existed, or the gentleman I was paired with. It’s the connection from the heart space that shows us how far and wide we can reach each other. We are being called upon, as a collective, to establish such reaching connections now more than ever. Time is time, whether or not we are in the midst of a mysterious pandemic. It’s what we do with our time that matters. I encourage you all to check out this wonderful young man’s Instagram account. At the very least, it will no doubt provide a much needed boost to the soul. There will always be kind, courageous individuals kicking and punching their way through the walls of life. Let’s learn from them. Let’s appreciate them. Let’s become them, together.

I give thanks to you, dear Readers, for visiting me here and for letting me know my thoughts and ideas matter.

Carrot Cake Muffins

I made these gluten free for a friend last week, and he was blown away by how delicious they were. These moist, loaded, seasonal treats can be made with regular or gluten free flour. I’ve been using gluten free flour blends that can be directly substituted for typical measurements. A brand I’ve been liking is Orly’s, which served as the inspiration for these muffins. I like the blends since they’re more subtle and lighter than say, almond or coconut flours. These carrot cake muffins are a perfect Thanksgiving morning, feel good breakfast indulgence. Happy holidays!

Ingredients:
1 and 1/3 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 large eggs
2/3 cup sugar
2/3 cup canola oil
1/2 tsp vanilla
2/3 cup unsweetened applesauce (I used fresh)
1 and 1/3 cups fresh grated carrots
1/2 cup each coarsely chopped walnuts and golden raisins (I toasted my walnuts first but that’s optional)

This makes 12.
Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour a muffin tin. Mix dry ingredients in one bowl, wet ones in another. Fold in the carrots and applesauce to the wet ingredients. Pour the dry ingredients into the wet ones, mix just to combine. Gently stir in the walnuts and raisins. Fill each muffin cup 2/3 full, bake for 20 to 25 minutes until a toothpick emerges clean.

If you’re giving these as a holiday gift, a basket lined with seasonal colored tissue paper, placed in a cellphone bag, and tied with a natural colored ribbon makes for a really nice presentation. That’s what I did, and it was super cute to serve up Little Red Riding Hood vibes.

Listen to Blueface- Close Up ft. Jeremih

Challah Delish

I’m so excited to feature THE BEST CHALLAH EVER this week. I have been ordering from Emily at Challah Delish for awhile now. Trust me, you’ve never tasted challah this good. Emily has a wide variety of delicious flavors that are all exceptional. My kids and I recently took one of her virtual challah baking classes and had a blast. Great covid lockdown activity that you can do with friends and family in different locations. You can be sure we’ll be ordering both of the special flavors you see here for Thanksgiving weekend!From the time she was young, Emily remembers the distinct taste of her mother’s famous cinnamon coffee cake, a dessert made from a soft yeast dough, mixed with just the right amount of sugar and cinnamon. It tasted like comfort, love and laughter. It is memories like this one that drove Emily to begin baking homemade goods for her family and friends. For Emily, a warm homemade challah is the best way to say thank you, congrats, and I’m thinking of you.

When Emily’s friend, a former co-counselor at camp, became very ill, Emily baked challahs and sold them as a way to earn money for her friend’s charity campaign. Years later, Emily still makes challah on a weekly basis - but her plain challah is only the beginning. She has seasonal offerings, but her most popular challah flavors are sweet crumb, caramelized onion, Lotus cookie, and everything topped.

Due to popular demand, Emily has increased her menu to include iced bundt cakes, chocolate chip sticks, brownies, kokosh (babka’s gooey cousin), and chocolate covered f’Oreos (a word she made up to combine faux + Oreo since they’re the purely non-dairy version).

Emily has been leading in-person challah bakes and demos for the past ten years. Since the pandemic, she has shifted gears and has led many virtual demos. Many school communities, shuls and extended families have bonded over her online challah bakes.

Nothing makes Emily happier than knowing that people are enjoying her delectable baked goods, whether they are actually baked by Emily or by those inspired by her creativity and passion.

To place an order or set up a Zoom challah demo, contact Emily on Instagram @challahdelish or email her at challahdelish@gmail.com

CHALLAH RECIPE

Yield: 2 braided challahs and 6 rolls

INGREDIENTS
To proof yeast:
1 Tbs active dry yeast
1 tsp sugar
1 cup warm water (about 110 degrees F)
For recipe:
1.5 cups warm water
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
9 cups of bread flour - you may not use all of it,
1 Tbs Kosher salt
1/2 cup canola oil

Mix the yeast, 1 tsp sugar and 1 cup of warm water in a large bowl. Mix with a fork. Set aside and let it bubble. This should take about 5-10 minutes. Add 1.5 cups warm water. Add 6 cups of the flour, all the sugar, salt, and eggs and only 1/4 cup of the oil. Fold and mix with one hand and turn bowl with other. Mix well. Gradually add 1-2 additional cups of flour and drizzle a little oil at a time until it’s a soft dough . It should be smooth and springy. Put a finger in the middle and it will spring back. Too much oil and dough will look and feel goopy; too much flour and it will feel crumbly and dense. You can use some of the remaining cup of flour to sprinkle on your baking surface when you braid. When you have the dough at the right consistency, cover it with a dry kitchen towel and let it rise for 1 hour.

Braid your challah dough and place in a sprayed oblong pan or on a parchment paper lined pan. Knot your strands of dough to create rolls. Allow the dough to rise for 30 minutes and then brush the tops of the loaves with beaten egg. Top with your favorite topping and bake in a 350 degree oven. Rolls will be golden and ready in 22-25 mins and loaves will need about 38-45 mins depending on your oven and preference.

For sweet potato pie challah, wash and pierce a whole sweet potato. Cook in microwave for 9-12 minutes until fork tender. When braiding the dough, flatten three strands and fill the middle portions with cubed sweet potato (no peel) , mini marshmallows and brown sugar. Close the dough on each side to seal the stuffing. Braid the sealed strands, and proceed as you would with the basic challah.

For Lotus cookie challah, spread a very generous amount of Lotus Biscoff cookie butter down the middle of the strands of dough. Seal the sides. Braid the strands and crumble Lotus Biscoff cookies on the egged braid. Proceed as you would with the basic challah.

Cozy Chic

Loving this genre of dress; a look that’s equal parts cozy loungewear and chic. This jumpsuit has become a relaxed yet stylish staple. My favorite part is that it allows me to go braless yet still be supported. It’s a great head to toe piece on its own, or it can be dressed up in a minute with a pretty cardigan, loafers, and statement headband. My bun accentuated the headband, and gave me something to do with a particularly unruly hair day (there’s always options!). This is a great look for entertaining at home, or being a guest at a meal; just take off the cardigan as needed, while maintaining the relaxed stylish vibe. A delicate silver necklace to compliment the sweater and headband was the one needed, dainty accessory. As lockdown continues, I’m feeling a need to move away from the same pair of sweatpants, while remaining comfortable at home. Please be safe, healthy, and careful.

Listen to Soul Makossa- Manu Dibango

Let’s Remember...

I find this poem from Sufi poet, Hafez, to be so fitting right now. It’s such a simple yet powerful message. As our nation begins hopefully to heal from immense separation, no matter where we stand on any topic, may we remember that underneath all the divisive mental chatter that overtakes ALL of us, beneath that our hearts all beat the same. This applies individually too. Make friends with your heart over and over and over. The more we do so, the more we heal and journey on home. Beat by beat, step by step, choice by choice. We can do this together.

Transitions

So a lot is changing. The seasons, the government. We are in constant flux. What I love about dressing appropriately as the seasons change, is that it feels good to mold with my surroundings (in addition to the satisfaction of nailing it). It makes me crazy if I chose too heavy a sweater, or didn’t bring a warm enough jacket, as I’m reacquainting myself with a new season. That’s one if the reasons I love my new fuzzy lined Birkenstock’s. My feet get to breathe, which I dig, while staying toasty, which I also love. I happen to find Birkenstock’s to be chic and underrated. The wash on my new Rag and Bone jeans also feels soft, in that mentally I’m not ready for a dark, heavier denim just yet. My vintage Anna Sui silk top is light but with that perfect seasonal color scheme. Each piece here can hold up in both spaces, of warmer to colder. This 70 degree weather today in the New York area was a true gift. I took a gorgeous sunset walk in a tank top, while soaking in how the changing leaves looked in the golden hour. Finding joy and balance, even in style, helps me stay steady. Love you, Guys.

Bread Hack

Guys, I have been KILLING it (at home) with this grilled bread and infused oil situation. I cannot believe this never occurred to me before. It’s the easiest way to serve delicious bread as an appetizer or snack. My sons have been gobbling up grilled slices of fresh bread, and dipping them in flavored olive oil. If I was hosting a meal of any sort, a pile of beautifully lined, artisanal bread on a rustic or chic platter, served with good oil and balsamic, would be my go to. All the serving pieces seen here were from Bed Bath (trivets and oil dispenser), Crate and Barrel, and CB2. Tons of super inexpensive options everywhere.
Since there are so few ingredients here, namely the bread and oil, I suggest splurging on quality. I love a crusty sourdough loaf from Balthazar. I buy it sliced. Your favorite good olive oil, some fresh rosemary, and fresh garlic are all that’s needed. The most important piece here is the cooking tool. My Calphalon ridged griddle with the weighted top, yields perfectly lined slices. Both the ridges and weight are needed to achieve those fab grill marks. You can put this together in minutes. If you’re opting for flavored oil, that gets assembled (again, minutes) about a week prior. It’ll last for weeks. Note the Snapple bottle I used to make mine. Any glass, pourable container should work. I’ll pour it into the white oil dispenser to serve, using a funnel if needed.

Ingredients:
A good, sliced artisanal bread (I like a round shape)
Good olive oil
Balsamic vinegar, if desired
Three large sprigs of fresh Rosemary, preferably dried
Three cloves peeled garlic

If flavoring the oil, a week in advance, pour a cup and a half of oil into a glass bottle. Add the rosemary and garlic. Close tightly and let sit to absorb flavors. If not using flavored oil, no advance prep needed. Heat the dry griddle over medium high heat. When hot, place two or three slices of bread and cover with the weighted lid. Let crisp up for just a minute or two. Flip and repeat. Serve as many slices as needed alongside dipping bowls of oil and balsamic. Garnish with some fresh rosemary leaves.

The Great Divide

Like all Americans, whether or not we are satisfied with the election results, I’m freaking drained. The divisive atmosphere over the last four years was energetically way too much to hold. The collective has been so angry and frustrated; that bubble had to burst. Relief was desperately needed. This is not a post about my political opinion, or who I voted for. I’m keeping quiet on that. Personally, I didn’t feel comfortable choosing either candidate. I had anticipated a heavy heart no matter who won, only one side felt heavier for me. Rather, this is a post about my takeaway from the election process, which is essentially disbelief in how people treated each other throughout. The hypocrisy being emitted from people claiming to care only about “unity” is astounding to me. It’s like, are you seriously not hearing yourself? SCREAMING about unity and inclusion, while threatening to cut your friend/colleague/significant other/child/pet out of your life if they dare to have a different opinion. That’s the thing about elections. They are scary times, even under normal circumstances. This election process was heightened for obvious reasons. It was very hard to maintain any semblance of balance and calm, in regards to the topic of politics. But it’s like a whole country needed to be reminded that this is a democratic bipartisanship, in which people are allowed to disagree. The system is built on this premise. Who didn’t get the memo on that?? Because I’m in the New York area, which is predominantly a blue state, I heard nonstop about Biden supporters vehemently attacking anyone who dared to vote for Trump, or even just question or criticize Biden/Harris. Granted, I’m sure in the Deep South it’s the reverse, with red voters going after blue voters. This isn’t ok no matter who it’s coming from, but I found that it left a much more bitter taste in my mouth coming from those who claimed to want to “end divisiveness”. The hypocrisy was maddening to me. I always write that if you are so rock solid in your beliefs, then you aren’t threatened or triggered by a different viewpoint. I believe this to be true, so it was head scratching to me that folks claiming to wholeheartedly in favor of whichever candidate they fully backed, instantly went on the offensive to attack anyone with a different viewpoint. Honestly, I took my daughter out of the city for a few days prior to the results. A lot of her friends were going home. These young men and women did not feel safe. I resented that New York City didn’t feel safe, unless one party won. Correct me if I’m wrong, but when did liberalism become synonymous with anarchy? Even today, I had to exit two unpleasant conversations with people wanting to know my thoughts on the election. I did not tell either of these people who I voted for. I answered with my problems about Trump, which were expectedly met with nods of approval. As soon as I began to state my concerns about Biden/Harris, I was picked apart. It was ridiculous. These are friends of mine with whom I should be able to have a rational conversation. Did you ask me “how I’m doing” because you care, or were you looking to be antagonistic? The best thing I could do for all involved, especially myself, was to bounce. One guy was saying how he hated Trump because he himself is a Socialist. Well, I hate to break it to you, but this is a capitalist country. If you only want a Socialist government, then perhaps you’re really living in the wrong place. That stubborn need to be right is very suspicious to me, especially when its coming from someone who got their desired results. I know this whole point in time is a lot to process, but you won... so stop fighting about it! And if you lost, then just accept it, my goodness. It’s enough on both sides. How can a nation claim to want to begin a national healing process, if everyone is still ripping each other’s heads off? Do you want to bridge gaps as you claim, or continue to flip out on anyone not reading off your script? That sure doesn’t sound like gap bridging to me. And btw, if someone told you that you’re friendship is over if you voted differently than them, then trust me, they’d have ended the relationship anyway, at some point. Threatening to end a friendship based on that, is the very definition of a conditional relationship. It sends the message that “my need to be right is more important than your place in my life”. It’s so obnoxious, and maybe it’s time for you to leave anyway. Sound like Trump? Listen, Dude, you lost. Just leave. It’s over. Biden won fairly.
I think that in order for real healing to begin, every single one of us needs to move the fuck on. Let’s make each other more important than the ego’s need to get its way. How we proceed is always a choice. Anyone claiming to want freedom, hope, and unity won’t find it while walking down Anger Street. We wind up where we do, based on the paths we consciously choose. If the past four years were miserable in so many ways, with this particular year being off the charts insane, then we are being called on to choose differently. It’s a new administration. Let’s use that as symbolism, no matter who we voted for. Despite one possibly having unfavorable thoughts on the new president, let’s choose peace; peace within, peace without, peace of mind, and peace of heart. We deserve it and we need it. It’s the only way this shit is going to correct itself. All our attitudes matter, just like every vote matters. Separation hurts all of us.

Listen to Falco- Rock Me Amadeus

The Epidemic of Silence

Is there anything that’s not difficult right now? The continuing pandemic has affected everything, both for worse and, in some ways, better. One of the ways in which its crept into my life recently, is in regards to the different approaches individuals have towards exercising covid caution and safety. I had to muster up the courage to talk to a friend, about how her lack of concern for the seriousness of the virus is making me intensely uncomfortable, since it puts my family in direct risk. Although I am a bold person, I am not confrontational at all. Until now, advocating for myself in a clear and honest manner was unfamiliar. It was a skill set I did not have, a result of learning that whenever I’d speak up, there’d be unpleasant consequences and reactions. When we are punished for having a voice, that voice gets quieter and quieter, often closing up shop completely. I used to be among the masses who would just complain and vent behind the person’s back, since that felt safer than risking uncomfortable honesty about the issue at hand. There was no danger in using others as a sounding board, but then obviously nothing would ever get resolved, and resentments would grow like weeds. I don’t do that anymore, since I feel we cannot complain if we aren’t going to confront an issue head on. This doesn’t mean yelling and acting unskillfully; rather, almost anything can be dealt with when it’s handled honestly and rationally. And if you’re like me, you find these types of conversations supremely awkward. I will often look for any excuse to avoid the learned discomfort of a prickly topic. It can require real “get over myself” bravery to just jump in and do it. It becomes a choice I have to make; stay silent and totally betray myself, or move through the discomfort of speaking up. It’s sad how many of us shrink away from the latter, since that’s residual conditioning in being punished for being vocal. Finally exercising our right to honor ourselves with our voice is a great act of healing. Step by step, we unload what weighs us down by saying what needs to be said. I have found that the discomfort of honesty is way better than the self loathing I feel in the self betrayal of silence. Yes, it’s hard to speak up, but as author Glennon Doyle says, “we can do hard things”. In my zen practice as well, we are taught to be mindful of our preferences. As in, us liking or disliking something isn’t as important as doing what needs to be done (again, skillfully).

In this particular example, a friend’s less concerned attitude towards the seriousness of an 8 month long global pandemic, was literally becoming a direct threat to my family. This is not about different approaches to parenting; we all know what’s at stake here. The unknown nature of this highly contagious virus is scary. I have done everything in my power to keep my family safe and healthy, as well as be a team player within my community and school system. It’s infuriating how so many people don’t seem to give a shit. It’s selfish and unfair, as well as ignorant to ignore what all doctors are saying. To think that we know better than the medical community is ridiculous. As little as they know, we know a heck of a lot less. This is never going away unless we each do our part. Clearly one of the collective lessons here, is that we must learn to better care for each other on a deep level. This virus has revealed so much, including hard parts to people we feel close to. It’s very telling how individuals respond to extreme situations. Look at how many divorces there have been during this time. You can’t hide anything anymore, which I think is a good thing. It’s time to stop hiding, to stop silencing ourselves, and to stop ignoring our needs. If the world is cracking open and being torn asunder, let’s rip away all the patterning and instincts that don’t serve us. This includes not properly, and clearly, using our voices. With this particular conversation, I went into it with zero hope for a different outcome. That’s the key. My aim wasn’t to change the other person’s behavior, since I knew that was unrealistic. We can really only manage our own behavior and responses. My goal was to speak up for the health and safety of myself (I’m double compromised due to ulcerative colitis and the biologic drug I take for it) and all members of my household, which include older housekeepers. The lousy part about this, was that I was the one who felt like the bad guy. This is partially due to aforementioned conditioning, when it was seen as “bad” if I were to be vocal, but also because when dealing with someone who thinks covid isn’t serious, you’re automatically seen as crazy and over reactive. I know many people who are stricter than I am, but I’m absolutely adhering to basic, necessary precautions. I have been extremely careful this whole time. It sucked feeling like the Covid police, but again, not speaking my truth would have been worse, especially about health. I’d have felt cowardly.

I’m sharing this because I believe it’s just time to include honesty in our healing process. I want to move through this world with truth, in how I treat both myself and others. I want to teach my kids that silencing yourself so as to avoid community awkwardness is not the solution. It leads to many people being filled with anger and resentment, until they either ultimately boil over, or corrode from the inside. Silence is overrated. Yes, we have to choose our battles, and I do. But this one is a big deal, and what kind of mother am I if I’m not willing to feel awkward in order to keep my kids safe? Anger is an uncomfortable emotion. In our society, we are taught to suppress and ignore uncomfortable feelings. Sad? Pop a pill. Anxious? Scroll through your phone to distract. Angry? Stay quiet so as not to rock the boat. Drink, smoke, do anything rather than admit to being mad. Anger, like all feelings, when observed rationally, can be an excellent teacher that something needs addressing. Anger allows us to set necessary boundaries when we aren’t being treated right. It has changed history for the better, when brave leaders used it to create change with regards to injustice. It also can start a war. It’s never the emotion, it’s what we decide to do with it. In this case, my anger, however difficult, helped me practice advocating for myself. The conversation itself went just fine, and truthfully, what is a friendship that can’t withstand differences of opinion? Friendship is very important, but so is being a friend to ourselves.

I know it’s not easy, but speaking up always boils down to a choice. Drown your own voice, or deal with feeling uncomfortable. I have found there’s almost nothing worse than choosing to dishonor ourselves by burying our deepest needs.

Wishing you all strength as you’re faced with tough choices. It’s a lot less scary than you were taught to believe. And remember, you can do hard things.

Table Decor on a Budget

I felt like mixing up the food section this week, by sharing some ideas on a super affordable table scape. After all, food tastes even better when it’s presented beautifully. I see almost no point in going to the trouble to create a sumptuous meal if it’s not served attractively. However, there is no need to spend a lot on pretty presentation. Everything I used here was inexpensive from the discount store Amazing Savings. The placemats, chargers, plates, and rolled up cutlery were all purchased there. Even the fabulous burlap runner, my favorite element, is from there too. Seasonal supermarket flowers in a coordinating vase added an easy pop of warmth and color. The trick is to keep everything in the same color family without being matchy matchy. Another key element is to use different variations of the same concept, like the burlap runner and straw placemats which are both natural materials. That cute decorative ball was purchased a couple of years ago in a flower shop. I keep things like that and reuse them to add easy whimsy. I stuck to the natural theme along with creams and golds, and it worked so nicely. I rarely use disposable paper goods, in an effort to be more environmentally conscious, but my dishwasher was broken so I allowed it. These plates are durable plastic, and can most certainly be washed. Years ago when I first began entertaining, I’d have never been so relaxed about something like that. My entertaining has become so much easier as I’ve loosened the grip on “how things must be”. I mean, really, who cares? The quality of the food has definitely improved overtime, and nothing kills a meal faster than an uptight hostess who is being too anal to enjoy herself. Learning how to keep things beautiful with a flexible, chilled out approach is something I have inadvertently cultivated through the years. The lesson? With less money and less effort, the results can be even lovelier.

Listen to Naughty By Nature - Feel Me Flow