No More Excuses

It hit me the other day how many excuses I make for various things, and how silly that feels. I actually started laughing as I became more and more aware of how I’ve been justifying, procrastinating, and keeping myself stuck in storylines and situations that I don’t want to be in. It felt good to reach that level of awareness and honesty, and to not make excuses for making excuses. I don’t know about you but when I’m in a state of over explaining and coming up with a list of reasons for whatever, I feel drained, somewhat foolish, and unconvinced of my own extraneous reasoning. The more effort we unconsciously put into justifying something, the more we move away from what’s true. As the mind becomes louder and more clogged with faulty reasoning, the harder it is to hear the inner teacher that’s trying to guide us in a different direction. Making excuses is a form of dishonesty; I have been feeling that acutely since it clouds the truth of what I want. When I’m in alignment with what’s true than excuses aren’t needed, therefore I’m only relying on them when I’m not facing reality. Excuses can be really harmful. They are a mental trick that add tremendous delusion. They lead to very poor decisions ranging from kind of stupid to life threatening. Excuses pretend to be our friend and they are not. They suck up time, lifetimes even. They keep us in shitty relationships and lousy jobs. They prevent us from greatness by keeping us small and afraid, by convincing us we can’t do things, that we will fail and embarrass ourselves. They keep us in harmful cycles in how we treat our bodies, the environment, sleep schedules, workout routines, the list goes on. Excuses are not the enemy and viewing them as such won’t quiet them effectively. They are a mental delusion that is a very normal part of human thinking, and they are ultimately asking for our attention so that we might dig for what’s underneath them. Only by looking at the top layers of justification can we begin to uncover what it is we are avoiding. Being intimate with what we turn away from can be very daunting, scary, and overwhelming. The truth forces us to deal with changes we don’t want to make but that on some level we know we must. Reality is often too challenging and terrifying to face, and so it makes sense to grab onto any rope that will pull us out of it. Even something as seemingly harmless as justifying hitting the snooze button again keeps us from getting up and meeting what the day holds. This can lead to being late, to creating a pile up of morning tasks, or to stressful rushing. I have realized how often I’ll stay in bed to listen to a dharma talk as an acceptable means of justifying my not uncommon freeze response to getting up. Freeze is a form of the nervous system not being regulated, so it’s understandable why excuses may swoop in to save the day. Excuses can look like the friend who we’ve known forever, the one who really doesn’t want the best for us though they claim to. You know I love you, just do what I say. I know what’s best for you.
There have been a couple of situations that have kept me in states of anxiety, frustration, and anger for over two years. Different characters in different stories but with similar themes, which means I needed to pay real close attention to how I was participating in my own bullshit. Two plus years of excuses for why I changed neither scenario despite knowing full well what I needed to do. I finally pushed passed my own faulty reasoning and pulled the plugs. It’s no surprise how empowering and healthy it felt to finally choose better. Excuses have also kept me from fully moving into zen practice and to chaplaincy. I recently led a staff meditation at the nursing home where I intern, something I put off doing last year because I was intimidated. And who cares if I’m a scared? We can be afraid and overwhelmed, torn even, and still move in a direction of truth. I find that this is key; not pretending I’m not feeling things and committing to pushing past that discomfort. Life demands change. Challenge brings change, and change leads to growth of all kinds. Excuses fight with change. They are a hindrance towards healthier paths. We use them to stay stuck in the familiar even if the familiar sucks. One of my current goals is to notice without judgment when I am relying on excuses and to bring myself back to the intention to live honestly, wisely, and efficiently. We can excuse ourselves from the table of procrastination, get up, and take our seat in a fresh way that honors the life we deserve.

What have you been putting off and why? How can you work with this self inquiry to reflect and choose differently? What stuck habits and stories are asking to be released? Where can excuses be dropped so that you can invite in freshness and clarity? Let’s waste no more time delaying our own strength and greatness.