Human Math

I have always been terrible at math. My brain definitely wraps it’s head around literature, history, psychology, and philosophy way better than anything based on numbers. On the SAT’s I got a 710 on verbal, a fact I’m still so proud of, and a 500 on math. That was after two years of math tutoring prep. I’m fascinated when people use numerals as a language, but I can’t relate; I stick to communicating with words, which is really so much harder than one would think...

I actually asked the Universe the other day, during one of our many daily conversations, how it knows to speak English. It replied, "I speak to you in the language that you need.”  That made me smile, how all these unseen forces can hold each of us up in our own way in which we understand. It’s a tailored language. But I’ve been thinking lately about Human Math, as in evaluating who adds to and subtracts from my life. Who multiplies my joy and who divides my heart into fractions. Which people are parts to my whole, and what percent of people I know enhance my human experience. I’ve also been conversely aware of whose life I’m certain I add to. This awareness is slightly uncomfortable since it involves some ego, but then again it’s nice to know that we are a source of comfort, safety, and guidance for others. It’s why we are here, right? It’s been a true exercise in self study; the adding and taking away of characters in “The Life and Times of Jess”.

It’s not possible that we don’t outgrow certain people. After all, we are meant to constantly shed skin. This will include subtracting humans who hinder our progress. This is not selfish, it’s flowing towards the answer to your personal equation. How wonderful and beautiful that we can constantly be adding more special souls into our lives? Even on the last day of someone’s life, they can make a new connection before leaving their body. The world is a huge place full of goodness. We can add as many quality folks as we like. Our hearts are never 100% full in this way; it expands to accommodate whoever we want to take in.

So I have this new friend. Since he’s new, the friendship isn’t big in the number of months or years we’ve known each other. He’s said to me a few times that I don’t really know him well since I haven’t known him for long. This is, and has always been irrelevant in my life; when I connect I feel instantly close. It can be a connection based on three minutes of direct energy sharing. Longevity can be cool if the person you’ve known for 30 years has added to your happiness, but it’s a detriment if they’ve been an asshole for such a long time, thereby taking away peace of mind. I don’t understand the notion that someone remains in your life as a result of longevity. Um, who cares?? Time isn’t as important as the summation of good feelings someone can give you. I know so many people  who take shit from others, simply because they’ve “known them forever”. Whether it’s a parent, sibling, spouse, or so called friend, no one should ever use time against you. There is only strength in numbers if the equation yields the correct outcome. When things don’t add up with those we’ve chosen, we will get the wrong answer every time. It’s a great practice exercise to think about the people in your life, do they add to or subtract from your well-being? Most people won’t be neutral. Almost everyone contributes something, whether it’s a plus or minus. Who you add to your own life is entirely your choice. Take away what doesn’t serve you, before you’re the factor that gets taken away. Numbers people find comfort in how concrete and final math is. There’s a rigidity to arithmetic. It’s not up for discussion or debate. The roles others play in your life can also be that clear. The sum of your joy is determined by those you assign the parts to. Our potential for love is infinite. I’ll never be able to figure out what an 18% tip is. I can’t help my third grader with his math homework. Human math I’ve become quite skilled at, and am reveling in a stage of life where those I have chosen do indeed complete me. Holes becoming whole is homework I’ve embraced. I’m still learning, and the lessons are not without pain. I might never Ace this, but I’m studying my ass off and making constant progress. And I’m 100% proud of myself.