“God Willing”

This is a phrase I recently realized I loathe. A close second is “with God’s help”.  These two phrases are used as much in my community as is “hello”.  When I say “my community” I don’t mean mine specifically, but rather the Jewish Orthodox community at large.  Speaking with these disclaimers has been wired into our speech patterns since we learned to talk, because almost every parent says them.  They are instinctive utterances.  They have very strong guilt ridden, superstitious undertones; if I don’t say this then God will be angry with me and not grant me help according to His will.  It's as if people are kissing up to God so He will give them what they want.  I hear “with God’s help” said about any topic, ranging from a grave health issue to a kid making a school hockey team.  “God willing, she will do well on her math final”.  Really?? If the child studies and knows math, then she will probably do well on the test.  I don’t think God is controlling the outcome of the fraction section in sixth grade math.  

These superstitious platitudes bother me for a few reasons (as do most things😏).  In the case of more minor issues, say the aforementioned test/hockey team/I hope the caterer does at good job, I feel like results that are entirely achievable by humans are being dumped on God.  It smacks of laziness; I may not have to try my absolute best, cuz if it’s God’s will I’ll get what I want.  Ya know, since He wants it and is willing to help me.  Get over yourself; If we are talking about the same God, the one who is making babies, ushering the dead into heaven, and controlling the solar and lunar cycles, then chances are where your child gets into summer camp is of no consequence.  It’s this strange shirking of our own responsibilities to accomplish.  God is very, very busy. He knows what He’s doing.  To blame every single little outcome of our own lives on Him sounds extremely entitled.  

On the flip side, let’s say the bar mitzvah sucked; the DJ was awful, the chicken was cold, and the flowers were half dead; does this imply that God willed your party to fall apart?  God willing, all will go well, right?  So what is the insinuation when things go wrong?  Think about this.  It essentially means that God is not out the gate on your side.  His “will” and “help” are not obvious to you, and are being given conditionally.  What these conditions are is another story, and every person has their own list.  How much subjectivity can their really be in earning God’s love and help?  Can He really want different things from each and every one of us, or are there just certain things we are all supposed to do to warrant this celestial partnership amongst man and the unseen? 

I think it’s very sad that people who believe that they believe, apparently don’t entirely believe that God is ALWAYS willing to help us.  Peeps, He’s there!  Not because you earned brownie points by beginning and ending every sentence with those few words.  If you don’t say it, will He be mad at you?  I feel a lot of times these things are said it’s because of just that; fear of punishment, revealing itself in the outcome we don’t desire.  Which basically means it’s kind of phony, in that it’s just being tacked on to what we are saying so we will get our way.  It reminds me of crocodile tears, which obviously drive me up a wall.  Instead of SAYING these things, why not just DO what we truly believe is our part as humans, and maybe then God will offer us the hand we need to be further guided?  Assuming that unless we grovel, then God won’t grant us will and help, is akin to believing our parents won’t be there for us at all times.  Not feeling cared for and supported by our human parents unconditionally, does major damage.  It takes tremendous rewriting of a sad narrative to reverse that.  So feeling innately that the OG who actually made you will abandon you on a whim... well, that’s sure as hell not going to make for spiritual stability, which leads to the eventual erosion of pretty much everything else in our lives.  If we don’t trust the Universe we will trust nothing else.  That frightened voice that never soothes itself with divine knowledge and assurance, will indeed be terrified about the minutia of life.  How interesting that Jews specifically, who are supposedly secure in the knowledge that we are chosen, are famously and notoriously fraught with neurosis.  The Woody Allan stereotype of the scared, whiny, fearful, sniveling person who bitches and moans about everything.  Afraid to leave home since death and disaster awaits him at the corner.  This satirization works because it’s real.  I know tons of people like this, and I feel sad about that.  I wish people weren’t afraid of their own shadow, and didn’t always assume the worst.  I used to live like that, so I really relate to that level of fright and disaster prone thinking.  And I know where that came from in my case, just as much as I know how hard I worked to flip my script.

To live in fear and to love in fear are the same thing. Read that again. Jewish neurosis has a strange martyrdom quality to it; the more I worry the more self sacrificing I am.  Um, so what’s the sacrifice? Mental health, enjoyment of life, and inner peace?  It’s like worrying proves we are good mothers, good wives, good members of the tribe.  Worrying actually prevents us from being our true and best selves because it’s a blockage.  It blocks love.  It blocks freedom.  I’d die all over again if at my funeral, the message of the eulogy was, "Uch, what a wonderful worrier she was” (said with exaggerated manual gesticulation). 

Fear is a spirit killer, so why would the Creator of those spirits want us to operate under such duress?  Makes no sense. We need to have more faith that God won’t punish us and hit us with bolts of lightning out of nowhere.  The fire and brimstone way of thinking serves no one.  If I hear one more yenta say something asinine like, “God willing, my kids’ trunks will get to camp”.  Um, Lady, I think if you put the clothing in the trunks and the trucking company takes the bags, then most likely your children will have their monogrammed water bottle from Denny’s arrive in upstate New York in a timely fashion (and will probably be unpacked by the counselors).  And if God forbid, there is a tractor trailer pile up en route to the Catskills, and the trunk truck is prevented from reaching sleepaway camp, then first of all, no one cares about your personalized LeBron towel because people may have gotten hurt, and secondly, worst case scenario, you throw some extra clothes in a bag and drive it up there.  Your child won’t be running around naked like the boy in the Jungle Book.  Bottom line, if there’s a problem here, IT IS NOT GOD UNWILLING FOR YOUR STUFF TO GET THERE.  THE TRUNKS DID NOT GET LOST BECAUSE GOD DOES NOT WANT TO HELP YOU.  IF YOU REALLY THINK THAT THEN YOU PROBABLY THINK I AM A MENTAL PATIENT, AND THAT THIS BLOG IS NUTS. In which case I don’t know what to tell you.

Just please know that God loves you, is always on your side, and  is always wanting what’s best for you.  No ass kissing declarations required.  He didn’t make us to throw us to the wolves.  That’s mean. If we think He’s mean then we are screwed.  Mean attracts mean, fear attracts fear, unhappiness attracts unhappiness.  Doesn’t the opposite route sound so much better?  Your brain is your gift.  You can put it in the shop and fix it up.  Pimp My Ride.  Make it new.  Don’t write your death sentence while you are very much alive.  Love yourself enough to want better.  And pretty much everything is better than fear.  Fear nothing, love everything.  You have the biggest support system  out there, even though you can’t see it.  There are many ways to see things that don’t involve optometry.  I don’t believe God is this Regina George in the sky who needs you saying certain things to be able to sit at the lunch table (imagine one of the angels screaming to another, “you can’t sit with us!!! ).  Believe in our Source.  Believe in the tree in Avatar.  It will feel good, which leads to more good, which leads to better...   Yo, Schnapp, how’s this for Yentl in 2018?