A year ago I...

I lost eight inches of my hair due to residual stress (stay tuned on the blog).

I was no longer married but no one knew.

I was cracking under the pressure of how to tell our kids about the divorce.

I was trying so hard to hold things together while other things had deconstructed.

I did not have the blog.

I had no idea how I'd survive without a relationship.

I had no idea how to do anything in DJ lessons, though I had begun six months prior.

I decided to slam the door shut on certain unhealthy relationships in my life, social, extended family, and otherwise.

I had no Lady Blaga Instagram handle.

I was a colt getting up on shaky legs.

I was certain I needed a new version of my life, but wasn't quite sure what.

I didn't have yoga as a part of my routine.

I had never meditated, and therefore had no real means of coping.

I would sometimes go into my room and lose my shit out of uncertainty.

I had to bite my tongue from blurting out my secret to my best friends.

I was starting to believe in myself but felt I had to justify doing so, even apologize.

I hadn't yet met some incredible DJs in the Creative community, who have given me the truest form of encouragement, since they understand.

I was no longer trapped in a cloud of invisibility.

I felt new life breathed into me.

I started to smile for no reason, and for every reason.

I no longer felt angry and bitter when I saw couples together on the street.

I began to feel what I came to identify as pride.

I had a renewed sense of energy and life.

I had people stop me and inquire about my glow.

I finally proved to myself I am indeed a writer.

I felt certain in my value as a woman and an individual.

I let go of Jewish guilt.

I began to envision the version of my life I deserve.

I came up for air.

I felt my days and weeks were no longer identical.

I felt a hunger to maximize my time here.

I felt stronger and more sweetly vulnerable than I ever had in my life.

I felt safe being catapulted into this new space, though logic might dictate otherwise.

I stopped apologizing for growing.                 

A year ago, I shook hands with myself and said, "nice to meet you."