Makes No Sense


The sense I'm talking about here is vision. I refuse to see how any objective can be to be loved blindly, or to love another blindly. That is not the same as loving unconditionally. To love another without condition, is to mean that despite anything and everything, you still love that person. Words, actions, circumstances, mistakes, or faults don't derail that love. There's truth in unconditional love, that's why it's a goal; people will always drift towards truth, even if they don't know it.

I have definitely seen situations that are indeed blind love. It may often make for a more pleasant, less combative, uncomplicated coupledom, but it ain't for me, Man. I don't ever want someone looking at me through an unrealistic filter. I want to be seen, understood, and known completely. I welcome someone knowing more about me than I might know myself, which is saying a lot since I'm quite introspective. Having that person delve deep into the core of my being, shining their flashlight into every nook, cranny, and crevice, and choosing to happily stick around. This comes from having a sure, healthy sense of self. If you aren't self aware, actualized, and comfortable with who you are, chances are you don't want to be seen in a raw, exposed state. It's too scary.  Wanting to be fully seen is, no doubt, emotionally brave. I like to consider myself of that ilk. I am not physically brave, as I've mentioned. But it has set in with me that I'm emotionally brave. I'm not shy. I don't fear feelings. I embrace all kinds of tears. I'm still learning about myself, meeting myself. I don't ever want to be the vision or idea someone had prior to meeting me, then fit me into that preconceived notion. Things belong in boxes, not humans.

I do not want someone thinking I'm perfect, and being blinded into an utter lack of awareness. I am real. Perfection is not. It's weak to not be able to view your partner with true clarity, and I don't want a weak partner. I gather that an inability to recognize the not so great truths about others, is fear based. That if one admits certain things about the person they need to view in rose colored glasses, then the relationship may crumble. Roots are bumpy, knotty, and gnarled. But they are immovable. They produce infinite, beautiful resources. That being said, I do not want criticism either. Truth isn't mean, it's just honest. To be fully seen to the extent where the knowledge of me is so vast it can't be put into words, that's what I want.

It is a magnificent compliment when someone cannot define you. I'd be hurt if a few malnourished adjectives were all it took to sum up my entire existence. Especially if those words could be so easily used to describe the person next to me. I often leave funerals so frustrated, as I'm certain the deceased was better and greater than how they were just portrayed. This is macabre on the surface, but I'm going to leave very specific instructions on how I want to be sent off. I don't want superficiality in life, and I certainly don't want it in the afterlife. With all this talk today about "owning who you are" and  "do you, Girl", how can that be if we can't be totally exposed to a significant other?

They're called "significant" because they're so important. Not so we can check off the "married" box on a medical form, or so that we don't feel alone. They're important for our growth. If you're growing a certain vegetable, you must give it exactly what it needs, specific to that species. Before giving it what it needs, you first must SEE what it needs. Understand it. What type of soil required, how much space it needs from the other stuff in the garden. How much sun it needs, how much water. Everything grows differently. Same with raising kids; we strive to know our children inside and out so we can best give them the individual tools they need to grow. We generally don't feel scared to get to know our offspring, in fact we pride ourselves on it. So why do adults have such roadblocks in interacting with each other? In medicine, blockages must be surgically cleared. Emotional blockages must be cleared too, to pave a clear, open road for two people to travel together. Hearts open. Eyes open.

We are so blessed with the gift of sight.

To not use it fully is to not appreciate that gift. If God gave us the capacity to see, to really see, then if we don't do that, we go figuratively blind. Don't be afraid to be seen. Vision creates love. And love creates everything else.