If I Loved Myself...

I first read this prompt on the Instagram feed of Mark Groves/Create The Love. It was a self inquiry that hit me hard. It’s a guide I use as often as I remember to, and it truly does lead me to the thought/word/action that serves me best in the moment. When we think/speak/act from a place of dignity, clarity, and self love, that seeps out into our environment. Everyone wins. That doesn’t mean everyone is happy. For example, you love yourself so you tell your family you won’t be joining them for the (stressful, tense) holidays. They will be understandably upset, but instead of just masking the issues and suffering as you’ve done in the past, you have now created space for potential honesty and healing of a family wound. By not making things worse in the way of family pain accumulation, you have set the stage for others to be truthful, thereby possibly allowing for seeds of repair. Let’s say you no longer want to date someone but are wrestling with feelings of guilt about removing yourself. By loving yourself out of a situation that doesn’t suit you romantically, you are giving the other party the (albeit painful) a chance to find someone that wants to be with them. It’s actually quite selfish; when we allow our own guilt to deprive the other party of the truth of what’s actually going on. Let’s say the upset party is you. You have just been dumped; it is excruciating and terrifying. Sometimes self love is simply witnessing our pain, not pretending things are ok, and choosing loving thoughts as, “this hurts but I know I’m being guided to my person”. This question hit me so hard because it was not something I was ever taught, as is the case with most of us. This is sad, that the majority of us have been raised and trained to shove ourselves aside out of some deluded belief that everyone around us matters more. The truth is no one matters more than anyone else, ever. Financial status, popularity, homelessness, race, religion, our own family hierarchy; none of these things make anyone better or more important. The day we decide we are worthy is the day we start to free ourselves from the prisons of our own makings, the prisons in which we stay trapped in a cell of self betrayal. Sometimes even self harm. A person who constantly deprives themselves of certain foods out of a need to control and punish their bodies might demonstrate self love by finally enjoying some ice cream. On the flip side, someone who really wants to lose the 20 lockdown pounds would love themselves by not eating the ice cream. Only you know the answer, only you can know what’s right for you. Here are some of the ways I’ll use this question. I hope this helps you begin to ask yourself this most worthy of inquiries. When we locate the answer and follow that inner guidance, it’s a small victory. We all deserve to feel strong, honorable, kind to ourselves, and victorious in our own lives.

If I Loved Myself I’d...
Go to bed earlier
Shut my phone off two hours before bed (yeah, right)
Stop checking my phone incessantly
Push myself to get in my body practice, even if I have to fight through not being in the mood
Take a break from physical activity when I really do need to. By loving my body I love myself.
Wait before firing off that bitchy email since I’ll inevitably feel lousy after.
Not let my self worth get tied up in “that text from that person”
Meditate
Set myself up to not be late, so I can avoid feeling rushed, panicked, and angry at myself for poor time management (see? Everybody wins since now I’m punctual)
Get my blog entries done in advance, so I’m not frazzled last minute
Take a bath every so often
Enjoy the cookie
Mostly eat balanced, nutritious, healthy foods that support me and the life I want to live
Practice DJing since it raises my vibration and makes me feel happy and energized
Remind myself over and over that I’m being guided and cared for by the universe. This helps me feel less afraid.
Breathe deeply and slowly several times throughout the day (at least) so I can regulate my nervous system
Forgive myself when I act/speak/ think unskillfully
Speak up when my needs aren’t being honored or met (this type of silence harms everyone and breeds resentment)
Get clear on what I want from Source and choose to act in alignment with my desires (manifestation is a partnership)
Take my vitamins
Schedule doctors appointments to be on top of my health (so many of us moms neglect our health)
Stop scrolling mindlessly on Instagram
Resist the urge to purchase yet another white tank top
Keep in touch with that person who makes me feel good
Cut ties with that person who makes me feel bad (it sometimes is that simple)
Decline that invitation/date
Embrace more being and less doing

If I loved myself I’d remind myself that to err is human, it is expected, and it is real. And that though I’ll fall many times until the day I die, I can also always rise back up, straighten my crown, take a deep breath, and choose better. When we choose better we heal.
You are worthy of all the love you pour onto others. Each right decision sends a message to ourselves that we are important, precious, deserving, delicious, and sovereign. How would you answer this question today?

***Please note that the above reference to dieting did not refer to anyone struggling with any type of eating disorder. Anyone dealing with an eating disorder should please seek professional guidance. You are certainly not alone. Help is available.

Listen to Smokey Robinson and the Miracles - Mickeys Monkey

Deconstructed Gingerbread Apple Cake

This is a good one, Crew. It’s a GF, DF recipe that’s special enough for the upcoming Passover holiday. You can use the flour and milk of your choice to adjust to any special dietary requirements. I know the term “deconstructed” has been an annoying and overused part of the vernacular. I once had deconstructed guacamole. It was ridiculous, essentially bowls of avocado and vegetables that I was expected to mash up myself. My chips and I ain’t got time for that. This dessert is lovely though; individual ramekins of warm gingerbread cake, topped with spiced, stewed apples. No sugar added! Simmering the fresh apples with cinnamon and whole cloves, two delicious anti inflammatory spices, is great for the body, soul, and aroma of your kitchen. These stewed apples have so many uses; on their own, atop pancakes or waffles, layered in a yogurt parfait. Lately they’ve been my favorite snack. This recipe makes 5 ramekins, so easily double this for a crowd.

To make the stewed apples:
8 apples any kind, unpeeled and cut into 1/2 inch slices
3 cinnamon sticks
6 whole cloves
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/3 cup water

Place all in a medium pot with a lid. Bring to a boil then lower and simmer for 30 minutes. After the half hour, uncover the lid most of the way to release steam and moisture. Apples hold a lot of water. Simmer on low for another 20 minutes, stirring gently to distribute the cinnamon. The apples will be a combo of mostly whole with some mush, that’s ok. It’s essentially a chunky, textured applesauce. Remove the cloves and cinnamon sticks. Let cool uncovered.

Prepare the gingerbread cakes while the apples are simmering. Preheat to 400. Grease 5 ramekins.
You’ll need:
2 cups fine ground almond flour or your preferred flour
1 tbsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp dried nutmeg
1 tsp baking powder 1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup milk of your choice, I used oat
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup melted coconut oil
1/4 cup unsulfured molasses (use the oil cup so it doesn’t stick)
1 lightly beaten egg
1 tsp vanilla

Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl, and the wet ones in a medium bowl. Add the wet to the dry, stirring until combined. Don’t over-mix. Fill each ramekin 2/3 way up. Place filled ramekins in a large pan. Bake for 25 minutes until a tester comes out clean. Cool slightly. Top each cake with a nice dollop of the stewed apples before serving.

The gingerbread batter can also be used to bake 12 muffins for a yummy breakfast or brunch treat. If making the cakes in advance, I suggest gently reheating them before topping with the apples and serving, but room temperature is fine as well. Bring the apples to room temp before serving if making those in advance, too.

Listen to Breathe In Breathe Out- Kanye West

Whom We Leave Behind As We Evolve

This is such a powerful topic, one I had no idea was even a thing. My learned conditioning to stay with whomever was in my life, no matter what, was so deeply ingrained. I have often touched upon this idea in the way of cutting out toxic relationships and dynamics that are draining, depleting, destructive, and unhealthy. In a case such as this it’s more cut and dry. I firmly believe that aside from our children, anyone else needs to earn a place in our precious lives. Friends, romantic partners, and most family is a choice. Those we invite into our very important lives are meant to enhance our existence. I like people, I always have. I don’t believe “people suck”. Point being, I want to be able to truly enjoy my peeps, and for them to benefit from me as well. All healthy relationships have a bedrock of reciprocity. We know when someone feels bad or good to us on an inner level. When we ignore that knowing and stick to those who make our inner teacher cringe, it’s a form of self betrayal. Self betrayal automatically comes attached to the shame that we have let ourselves down. We can go down the rabbit hole of berating ourselves, faulting ourselves, and getting trapped in self blame. This is all very normal. Doing things, and being with people, that aren’t good for us are choices we make unconsciously out of habit and learned training. We get attached to stories about why we can’t move on; they’re my family, I’ve known her for so long, I’m scared to be without this person etc (insert excuse here). Conscious awareness is the key to reconnecting with our patterning, our inner wisdom, and our freedom to choose. This is a freedom we really do possess. It’s the freedom seen in an uninhibited child. It’s in us all and over time it gets covered in the dust and fog of the stories we are told from our parents, caregivers, teachers, religion, and environments. Included in this are things we learn from all forms of media and entertainment. Ideas like “you can’t, you should, you must” are always on repeat. Our birthright of freedom and choice becomes more and more foreign to us over time. It becomes extremely hard to access at all, and it takes massive amounts of unlearning to regain our sovereign right to choose and feel free in doing so.

After many years of feeling utter despair in being tethered to so many people, I reached the point several years ago where I began to protect myself by removing anyone from my life that did not align with the new version of Me. That was many versions ago, and I have become more selective in all ways. Just as it feels bad to be out of control in our unconscious choices in whom we spend time with, it feels rather good to be in control of the conscious decisions to keep the company we desire. It all begins with deep awareness of how we react to those in our presence. Am I relaxed, joyful, breathing openly, laughing, connecting? Or is my breathing constructed, chest tight, and filled with dread at seeing this person? Paying attention to the physical messages my body was sending was essential in learning my reactivity. The first question Koshin, my zen Buddhist teacher, asks me in our weekly meetings is, “how’s your breathing right now?” Breath is everything. How we are doing it tells us so much. It’s constantly changing as our moods and thoughts jump around like unhinged kangaroos. It wants to work with you and help you come back to yourself. Regular breath awareness and breath work transformed my life. It helps me regulate my nervous system. When it’s free flowing, I picture it as a golden mist filling my insides and seeping out through my pores. This golden mist is love. You all have it. It comes from within. It’s always there even if it feels inaccessible. I pause, remind myself it’s there, and locate it again and again. Life, and breathing, is a constant dance of expansion and contraction. Contraction isn’t a failure. It’s a message to return to expansion. I hope my life ultimately contains more widening than shrinking. None of us were born to play small, and it’s the people in our lives who are meant to help us on our journey of expansion.

What made me write this post was a text convo I had yesterday with an old friend. This was a very close friend, one of my best, for a whole decade. I told him all my secrets, saw him regularly, and took his advice on pretty much everything. He was definitely a type of security blanket in that his presence was a constant. We had great laughs together, deep talks, and truly enjoyed each other’s company. Due to an insane set of circumstances that had nothing to do with me, I had to end our time together. It was at a very specific time in my personal life, and ending our (platonic) relationship was a matter of self preservation and protection. I did this over the phone since in person would have been way too hard. I did not offer an explanation. I could tell he was shocked and upset but tried to act indifferent. I expected this. He later told me how devastating this was for him, and I appreciated the rare glimpse of emotional honesty. Choosing that this person and I could no longer continue was terrifying to me. A wise friend who knew the bizarre details shoved me off the cliff, the cliff I knew I need to jump off of but couldn’t. I needed her to tell me what to do, and to tell me I would more than survive this. My attachment and affection for this person was strong, I was reliant on him in so many ways. This is one of the ways in which we need our people. We need them to be radically honest, especially when it’s something we are afraid to hear. Support isn’t unconditional agreement, that’s enabling. It often sounds like, “I love you and you need to hear this. BECAUSE I love you I’m going to say it”. We need our peeps when our lens is too clogged up with our feelings to see straight. Our brain chemistry, when unaligned, distorts our vision to a staggering degree.

This person and I are still sporadically in touch. Yesterday he reached out, we caught up a bit, and while it was nice, there were things revealed even in the brief text exchange that gave me full clarity that he and I are simply not on the same wavelength. He’s exactly where he was and I am not. Those that feel really right to us operate on the same energetic frequency that we do. I smiled warmly as I realized, possibly for the first time, that I can hold an affectionate place for him while knowing we just don’t match up anymore. We leave behind all sorts of things as we grow, people included. As I learned from this, this need not mean these are toxic, messed up people. They can be good and they may love us. For me, this was a revelation that as I flow forth with the ever changing currents of life, I can edit with fondness. I can say goodbye to someone I like and whom I wish well. The growth here was clear, and it hit me like a ton of bricks that what had happened years ago, resulting in the end of our relationship, was the universe itself kicking me off that aforementioned cliff. It was a direct message that the old version of me that had been so attached to his energy was ready to die. He wasn’t going to be joining my new self. It’s amazing when we can so clearly see the dots connecting in our favor. Fog lifted, direction clear, support felt, all reminders that our path is safe.

The point of this post is this: it’s hard enough, though way more obvious, to eliminate those who make us feel like shit. When we realize we can do that it’s like, “don’t let the door hit you on the way out”. It feels good to choose to stay away from what feels bad, yes? However, what I learned is that we can keep moving on from certain dynamics and relationships even if we are deeply fond of someone. We can look back and smile, say hello every so often, appreciate it for what it was, and be perfectly content with what it is. It’s not trite or cheesy to say that the most important relationship you have is with yourself. It’s the truth. As we go through various stages, chapters, and shedding, as we are meant to, not everyone will stay with us. Most won’t. To say goodbye gracefully and peacefully means we know it’s the right move. Grace and peace don’t often come with goodbyes, but it sure is nice when they do.

It’s a Family Thing

I feel lucky to have this vintage coat from my Bubbie, it’s the piece that inspired this look. Working off of a warm, rich color palette, I mixed my old burgundy pleated leather J Crew skirt, a staple, with this yummy sweater. The turtleneck, feminine sleeve detail, and warm striping added the right pop of pattern and color. Leather riding boots and tights, both in shades of brown, lent a consistency to the outfit. Neutral shades in a retro cat eye added to the vintage aspect, pairing well with the cost. My one piece of jewelry is a handmade ceramic leaf pendant, in a shade that works off of the blue in the sweater. I was heading to a religious event, so I needed to dress appropriately out of respect for that particular environment. Religion but make it cute right? I love all the textures and warmth in this look. Each piece stands on its own yet works together by being in the same family of vibes and hues.

Feeding With Love

For the first time ever, I’m combining the Food and Inspire sections. Next week I have a great Jesscipe planned, but this week I’m brimming with excitement about this combo post.

Through the magic of social media, I came across a local community food project in Brooklyn. A few artists (Brooklyn is spilling over with all sorts of creatives) got together to paint refrigerators, situate them throughout the boroughs (Queens also), and have the local neighborhoods fill them with donated food. Whoever needs can come take with dignity and privacy. Neighbors drop off dairy items, produce, pre cooked meals, and local restaurants donate leftover food. I was incredibly inspired by this grassroots initiative. It’s not about a checkbook, a journal ad, sitting at the Platinum table, or getting dolled up to attend a charity function where everyone knows what everyone else gave financially. This is pure and humble giving, with a sensitive awareness to the fact that people in our own backyards are hungry and struggling. I’m sure that things like this have existed before covid, but there has been a massive increase in how the world has been asked to widen the collective lens during this intense pandemic. Everything has been seriously magnified over the past year (a whole year!!!); need, hunger, poverty, racism, anti Semitism, isolation, frustration, death, loss, sickness, anxiety, loss of income, interpersonal relationships, our relationships to ourselves, self reflection, just to name a few. We have been dragged to a giant reflecting pool in which we aren’t just looking back at our own faces, but at the faces of the global collective. If there has ever been a time of forced expansion, this, dear friends, is it. I come from a background of service. My family, and the Jewish community at large, is wired to help. We are generous, which is why we have sustained ourselves throughout the course of history. However, and there are psychological survival reasons for this, our powerful resources have mostly been used to serve our own. This is not a bad thing, and frankly, we haven’t had a choice. Looking out for the needs within our own community has been a vital necessity. The public opinion of all Jews swimming in money is ignorant and untrue. Many Jewish people struggle, starve, and need just like everyone else. We bleed and we cry, too. Coming to the aid of my Jewish brothers and sisters has been taught to me since day one. It’s an education and training I’m deeply grateful for. It has set the stage for me to now expand my circle of giving, and give in ways close to my heart. Ways in which I can feed my soul, which is why I love to serve through actual food. The thought of anyone being hungry and not being able to feed their families kills me. Basics like food, safety, clean water, warmth, clean air, and education are essential human needs and rights. In America, a country of immense wealth and excess, it is unacceptable and inexcusable for any person living here to be deprived of these things. During this past year I have read sickening facts and statistics about pockets of our country in which these basic life rights are not provided. This has existed forever; I just didn’t know about it because it never occurred to me to see beyond my own four walls. My life and lens are so different now. As I began to change my whole life several years ago, everything began to shift. The more I slowly started to pry myself open, and commit to that continued prying, my capacity to see things clearly grew exponentially. The more I saw myself with awareness, clarity, love, and empathy, the more I could do this with my children, my inner circle, and now my growing outer circle. The whole world is all of our outer circle. A circle is a continuous shape that lacks sharp edges corners in which to hide in. It has nowhere to crack, nowhere to escape. It’s soft, round, and fluid. This is how I wish to exist in the world. I harden and contract still, yet now I have the tools and awareness to return to feeling circular and connected. I wish for my circle of compassion and giving to be as wide as possible, and I know this takes dedicated practice. In zen there is actually a vow we say daily in order to remind ourselves of this commitment. “Sentient beings are numberless, I vow to save them” is the first line of the Four Vows. Not “saving” anyone in terms of the savior and victim; that’s a trap of roles that takes on an arrogant Jesus complex. Rather, it’s more practically how can I help? It’s also about saving others from our own crap and pathology, but that’s for another post. “Om Mani Padme Hum” is a common Buddhist mantra that helps temper and soothe our ego states and reactivity, which means we are automatically more helpful to each other. When we are calm and open, we can better serve each other. We are grounded, ready, and more able. Beloved spiritual teacher Ram Dass translated om mani padme hum to, “how can I help?”. I have found that the more I open my heart, the more purely and effectively I can help. The more open my heart is towards myself, the more that spills onto my surroundings. It’s why I can write this blog, create, and DJ. Four years ago my circle of giving did not include myself. If we can’t look at ourselves clearly and witness our own needs, we can forget about witnessing the needs of our loved ones and neighbors. We can’t see through a foggy mirror, and the good news is that fog can be wiped away. I was proud that a lady who took a meal asked me if I was Jewish. It’s not obvious, in my modern clothing and way. I asked her how she knew, and she replied that she had a feeling. The Jewish community is indeed a powerful and generous resource. We can direct our efforts and attention to vast oceans of need. In the wake of the scary rise of anti semitism, let’s be better than hate. Let’s stay open where the instinct is to contract out of fear. We are stronger than hate always, on a micro and macro level. Let others throw stones, that’s their karma. Ours is to serve with love and nourishment. I fully believe this is our test right now, and tests are always a compliment because source/Hashem knows we can triumph. It’s why we are still here. Our karma is good. Lean into that knowing while we face hatred from others. It’s a valuable teaching; the world can be upside down and still, and yet, we proceed in ways we know are right and true. This is always the way. It’s easy to get tossed about by the news, social media, opinions, and discussions. We have the ability to anchor ourselves underneath the turbulent waves of the world, just like the spirit can always be anchored underneath the turbulent mind states and thoughts we are constantly experiencing. I learned an important lesson as I was packing my meals into the refrigerator. A homeless looking man was approaching. I benevolently asked him if he’d like a meal. He answered that he was there to drop off food as well. It was an excellent reminder to watch our assumptions, and also that anyone and everyone has the power to give something. Whether it’s 40 meals and bags of produce, three cans of beans, or a smile, we can all give something. It’s all important and it’s all needed. We are all of great value. It’s when we forget this that things go off the rails as a society.

I was proud to show my kids this particular endeavor. They are being raised in a Jewish bubble, but I’m hopefully teaching them that that has a shelf life. If we demonstrate to our children that we know how huge their hearts are, we build within them a trusting of that knowledge. We slowly show them that the circle of compassion and giving gets bigger and bigger.

I love to cook in large quantities, and so providing healthy, balanced meals to others was a true joy for me. Nourishment is a really big deal in every sense. When we give and receive nourishment, nutritionally, physically, or emotionally, we all benefit each other. I need you to give to, and to receive from. If we only give we die. Receptivity is just as essential. Receiving is healthy, and only when I began to learn this was I able to truly give from a pure space. I am worthy of being given to. You are worthy of being given to. We all dance on a balance beam of yin and yang, giving and receiving. When we over give, we deplete ourselves. When we only take, it’s a selfish and miserly existence. It’s a contracted and fear based way to live that comes from survival mode. To my fellow empaths, I see your need to over give. This, too, is fear based survival mode. I watch myself very closely in this way; do I give at the expense of myself? Do I give to earn approval, points, or recognition? Is my giving transactional since generosity was the only way I learned to receive affection? Giving can be very complicated. It can also be very simple, as it was here. There are hungry people and I was blessed to be able to provide food. No points, no transaction. If you need it, take it. We are equal and right now this is what you need. Tomorrow I will need something, as things are inherently impermanent. The only thing we can rely on is change. May we be there for each other as the world keeps changing. May we defog our mirrors. May we expand our own hearts to include everyone. May we use social media for social action.

To participate in Our Food NYC and the Classon Community Food Project, please find them at

https://ourfood.nyc/

https://linktr.ee/Classon_Community_Fridge

IG- @ourfoodnyc @classon_community_fridge

Googling your local food pantries and shelters is also a great way to help. Information, and need, is everywhere️.

Meet Me At Style Street

An easy and cozy look need not involve elastic waistbands and sweatpants. It’s fine if they do, but personally I needed to get out of the “daytime pajama” routine. The right pair of jeans and comfy sweater did the trick of keeping me comfortable while looking more polished than what I’ve become accustomed to. I know I write this a lot, in regards to switching it up from sweats to jeans etc, but isn’t that just life? We are always flip flopping between the same few concepts, and I don’t just mean about daytime style. We go left, we go right, we go left, we go right...

Nothing out of the box here, since who needs that on a Monday morning? Paige jeans, this yummy Madewell sweater, a nice blowout, and my fave mini boots. The Carven boyfriend coat has become a winter favorite. I love the relaxed fit and rich navy color. The coat was a great price at Century 21. What you can note here is fit. Each piece fits just right, which proves that fit can be the most important piece in achieving the overall smoothness of an outfit. An expensive piece will fall flat without fitting well, and the right bargain item will work if it does. I love sweaters and have really been enjoying the variety of styles, scales, colors, and textures this year. I did well at Nordstrom’s a couple months ago, and there will be good sales coming up soon as Spring approaches. Def wise to capitalize on that and stock up for next Fall/Winter. My old McQueen sunglasses elevate any outfit, showing that the right single accessory packs a subtle punch. Lastly? Find a graffiti wall as your snapshot background. Never fails, as it is truly street style.

Listen to Martha And The Vandellas - Nowhere to Run

Statement Puffer

Amidst all the black and one hue winter puffer coats, a pop of fun pattern is a welcome change. This coat was a great deal, I bought it on sale at Century, of blessed memory (come baaaaacccckkkkk!!). It’s Scotch and Soda, a brand I used to love to dress my kids in. When I learned a few years ago that they had an adult line, I was thrilled. They are known for their whimsy personality in their pieces, and I’ve always loved dressing that way. Some of my favorite items in my wardrobe come from Scotch and Soda. I happen to have a beanie in the same color family, and these non prescription, see through sunglasses gave me 90’s Lisa Loeb vibes. We tend to gravitate towards a darker wardrobe during colder months. So much black! I love how this coat plays off the stark sophistication of whatever black, dark gray, or denim we are wearing underneath. As I always say, most “successful” ensembles achieve some kind of balance in some way. Never too studied, rehearsed, or overthought. Just the right, effortless mix that clicks for you.

Vegetable Soup with Beans and Kale

Now that my girls (my boys won’t go near this) are expanding their vegetable repertoire, I no longer have to purée everything to mask what’s inside my soups. This is exciting for me. I love soups with textures, colors, and a variety of healthy ingredients. I made this up for my recent Purim holiday meal, and it was a huge hit. Fresh, healthy, vegetarian comfort food at its best.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups diced onion
A diced red pepper
1 1/2 cups each sliced or diced carrots, and celery
2 cups each small/medium diced cauliflower and broccoli. You can buy bags of precut florets and cut them in half
2 cups packed chopped kale
Can white beans or chickpeas drained and rinsed
A large yellow zucchini diced
2 whole bay leaves
Cup packed chopped parsley
10 to 12 cups vegetable broth (2 1/2 to 3 boxes)
2 tsp Italian seasoning
1 1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp cumin
2 tsp salt, 1 tsp pepper, having more on hand to adjust to taste ( I always start with less then add)

In a large soup pot, heat 3 tbsp of olive oil. Add onions, sautéing until translucent and fragrant. Add some stock by the tbsp to deglaze the pan if it gets dry and the onion starts to burn. Add the cumin, 1 tsp of the Italian seasoning, and 1/2 tsp of the garlic powder. I find that seasoning the onions gives any dish a wonderful base. Mix, let sauté for a couple minutes. Add two cups of broth, the carrots and celery. Cover pot and sweat the onions, carrots, and celery (mirepoix) for about 7 minutes, stirring a couple times. Add all the rest of the ingredients, mix well, cover, and bring to a boil. Lower boil to a calm but active simmer for an hour. Add more salt and pepper as needed. I think I added another tsp of salt and a 1/2 tsp pepper, around the 45 minute mark. Remove bay leaves before serving.

I Note Growth When...

I respond instead of react

I pause before knee jerk engaging

I no longer feel the need to reach out, or feel a tug to do so yet don’t, knowing it’s an outdated inclination that’s left over from old stories

I lessen my judgement or note when I’m judging, which makes said judgement easier to send away

I can find an opening of compassion for those who have wronged me

I stick to my choices to keep those people at arm’s length, while practicing safe forgiveness

I can feel dislike towards someone or something, yet fully know we stand on equal ground as humans of value

Don’t need gossip to connect

Don’t need social media scrolling to fill time

Honor my commitments to myself even when I don’t feel like it

I am able to admit when I have caused another harm, and apologize

I manage my time in a way that aligns with the life I’m creating

I calmly trust in the timing and pacing of the Universe

I understand that all the pain and hardships that have brought me to the present moment were all part of the plan

I tap into inner wisdom or inner joy, with no need for external stimuli

I set an important boundary even when it’s terrifying. I do this because my needs matter

Not getting a certain text or call doesn’t affect my mood or vibration. I am always whole and complete

I can get myself out of the trap of comparison when I fall into it (often)

I see all that’s occurring as part of my tailored curriculum for evolution

I can welcome another perspective

I can manage my preferences

I return to sovereignty and remind myself to act from that space

I give without any transactional incentive

I am not interested in anyone’s behavior but my own

I feel less overwhelmed and calmly deal with the demands of the present without freaking out

I smile when seeing couples being loving and affectionate, instead of my former envious skepticism and resentment

I rest in the present moment, not needing anything to be different

I fully accept others for where they are at

I fully accept myself for where I am at

I love the Now while manifesting the future

I can quiet my mind, saying, “no thank you, not now” to my thoughts

I am ok with making mistakes

I genuinely forgive myself

I can recall old times and clearly chart all my changes, noting decisions I’d make very differently now

I don’t betray myself in order to gain outside approval

I don’t need to explain myself

I am ok not knowing

I feel more open minded and not threatened by different opinions

I speak with calm transparency, not twisting the truth to avoid unpleasantness

I refuse to accept less than I deserve

I can write something like this

Listen to Fugees - Fu-Gee-La

Listen to Paula Abdul - Vibeology

Fresh Greenery

Heyyyyyy. Been so into the long skirt and chunky sweater concept lately. It’s boho, pretty, and practical weather wise. These old DKNY boots worked very well in the snow, and the hat made sense from a fashion and climate perspective. I fully cop to the cropped sweater not being the most practical in the cold, but I was obv outside just for a bit to take pics. The cropped turtleneck top actually lightened up the head to toe effect of the other pieces. It’s easy to otherwise get lost in all that length and fabric. I was itching to wear this fresh looking, pleated green skirt. It’s such a pretty piece that is a jolt of visual joy. It’s light so it’s all year, and it didn’t overwhelm me indoors. This is a great dinner look for a special occasion (miss those!!). It’s nice to bring femininity to the dark and heavy colors and fabrics of winter.

Eckhart Tolle

Here are some of my favorite quotes from world renowned spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle. His teachings have profoundly changed my life. When my particular pain body, which is fear, would furiously rush to the surface while I was going through another round of The Dark Night of the Soul, I’d lie awake at night, shaking, and just put on his talks and meditations. “Just lie there and listen”, I’d tell myself. I learned about the pain body and Dark Night from him, and his explanations about my experiences, things I didn’t have the wherewithal or language to understand, started to make sense to me. He helped me understand what felt like an internal nervous breakdown because it indeed was my old system beginning to break down (a gift!). I first learned about the concept of presence from him, and presence is a medicinal and vital practice in leading an emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally healthy life. I heard him speak two years ago in Miami. I flew to see him and I cried as he took the stage. I have spent the past several years relying on Eckhart to remind me of my essence, and to teach me tools to anchor myself. Whenever I’m feeling off, unsettled, or unmoored I listen to his teachings and am instantly soothed. I was supposed to have gone on a retreat to India with him this past January, but alas, covid. Presence is truly a balm for the soul. I’m so much less reactive and rigid, flowing with the rhythms of life with greatly increased ease and faith. If you’re not familiar with Eckhart Tolle, I hope this little post helped if you’re searching for...
As always it’s my privilege to share parts of my journey with you that can hopefully be of service or support. We are all struggling, stumbling, then getting back up. We don’t, and can’t, do it alone. These teachers and masters are here to grab our hands and help us. Seeking them out has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself.

Serendipity Dark Devil Chocolate Mousse

(Zoom in to see my five week old chipped covid nails).
As a devoted chocoholic, I naturally love a rich, delicious chocolate mousse. I also love the iconic NYC restaurant Serendipity, famous for its frozen hot chocolate, incredible desserts, and charmingly whimsical decor. I have great pics of taking my daughters there on Mother’s Day 16 years ago, when they were 4 and 2. Serendipity has a terrific cookbook with a number of their famous recipes. I love making this mousse, which can easily be non dairy. This freezes well so it can be made in advance. Just wrap tightly with plastic wrap. Serve with whipped cream, berries, or chocolate shavings.

Ingredients for 6 to 8 servings:
4 large eggs separated, room temperature
1 tbsp vanilla
2 tbsp brandy liqueur
12 oz unsweetened chocolate, melted and cooled
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1/4 cup sugar

Directions:
Whisk egg yolks, brandy, and vanilla on top of a low simmering double boiler. I put the liquid in first or the eggs solidly fast. Cook and mix until mixture is thickened and hot, about 5 minutes.
Add yolk mixture in three additions to the cooled chocolate. The chocolate will thicken.
In a clean mixing bowl, whip cream until soft peaks form. Fold the cream into the chocolate in three additions, stirring well after each time but leaving some white streaks.
In a second mixing bowl with a clean whisk attachment, whip egg whites until frothy. Slowly add sugar. When soft peaks form, add into the chocolate mixture, again in 3 parts. Mix gently until the mixture is a uniform chocolate color and no streaks remain.
Spoon into pretty dessert glasses, bowls, or ramekins. Wrap and refrigerate at least 30 minutes until firm. Serve cold.

Zen Shabbat

I have recently participated in the past two Zen Shabbat events, a wonderful monthly offering from the NYZCCC and Lab Shul. Lab Shul describes themselves as a “god optional community”. I love this because it’s so inclusive. Just because one might be struggling with faith, it doesn’t mean they should feel further alienated and excluded from religion, culture, tradition, and community. I have never struggled with faith, a fact I’m grateful for. Faith is part of my wiring, my upbringing, my history, and my lifestyle. It anchors my fears, fills me with calm and belief, and makes me feel guided and loved by source. Jesus, Hashem, Buddha, Universe, Source, ruach hakodesh (holy spirit); in my opinion it’s all the same. Practices and customs may look different, but the overall goal is the same. Faith, like love, is one of the great unifiers of humanity. There’s a reason people cling to, search for, and struggle with it. Faith is refuge. It is medicine. It is a home for the soul, a balm for our smorgasbord of anxieties. However, every person should have a means to connect even if they don’t align with faith or God. I am a big lover of tradition, and I find a deeply moving quality to practicing certain ancient customs. I also believe that religion is shooting itself in the foot of it doesn’t adapt to the changing needs of modern times. Humanity looks so different today. There must be a place for everyone. Orthodox communities are (slowly) starting to see more inclusion of its gay members, an extremely important and necessary development. Everyone matters and all should be welcome. No God would want any of its creatures to be banned, shamed, or excluded. That makes no sense on any level. What good is religion if we don’t relate to each other with warmth, respect, and dignity?

The more rooted I am in the true essence of my faith, the more expansive my faith practice becomes. Suddenly there is room for all sorts of people, ideas, and rituals. There’s a newfound openness to my spiritual life that feels warm and right. I’ve always been a very curious person; why not extend that to how I approach God? Having observed Shabbat all my life, I can’t say I actually celebrated it. I kept it and enjoyed certain aspects that worked for me. The reading, candle lighting, the meals, the family time, the social aspect. I even enjoy synagogue and prayers. But “celebrating” the meaning of the prayers and rituals kind of didn’t really come up. They didn’t need to since we did them anyway. Classic case of taking the given for granted. At Zen Shabbat each element is so beautifully explained that I have been moved to tears. The blessings and songs are often tweaked to break away from the heteronormative. For example, “King” is now “spirt”. I have no issue with either, and I think it’s great to have different versions to suit modern times and needs. I love that one need not be Jewish to participate. I love that we meditate briefly throughout the service. I love the collaboration between Buddhism and Judaism (one of my zen teachers is Jewish and really honors that). I love that each event focuses on a different way to discuss and celebrate nature. It’s truly a lovely gathering of community and connection, and I’m proud to be able to build on my orthodox knowledge and familiarity. So many people I know regularly get through the blessings and ceremonies with boredom. Much is done by rote. It’s easy for things to not feel special when we do them constantly. Many of my observant friends struggle greatly with feelings of disconnect and a lack of inspiration. Zen Shabbat has afforded me a terrific opportunity to see the old through a new lens. It’s so easy to be able to join via zoom, one of the great gifts of the pandemic. Connection is so much more available than we realize, and it’s life affirming when we are reminded of that. It’s been a joy to deepen my appreciation of Shabbat, and I hope this passes on to my children. For anyone interested, I encourage you to check out dates and times on the Lab Shul website or Instagram. As long as we serve with love and meaning, there’s no wrong way to do it.

By The Way Bakery

You may have noticed that lately I’ve been experimenting with gluten free recipes. I’m new to this way of baking and it’s been a fun challenge to play around with ingredients that work for various allergies and food sensitivities. As a longtime ulcerative colitis patient, I surely know about the power of a stomach that is not reacting well to food. My new interest in gluten free dairy free baking led me to discover this incredible bakery that caters to the GF DF crowd. With locations throughout the New York area, this bakery serves a wide variety of cakes, cookies, donuts, granola, specialty treats, and even challah. I recently bought the chocolate torte for a birthday, and it was incredibly rich and delicious. The custom cake offerings are so impressive. Fun fact; BTW Bakery was created by the mother of a friend of mine from the New York Zen Center. I learned this coincidentally after reading about the owner (same last name, same face). Ordering and pickup was very easy and Covid safe, and my experience was so sweet that I had to share this gem of a bakery with you. One need not be GF or DF to enjoy the wonderful items from By The Way. I hope that knowing of this bakery helps you in your quest for delicious treats that handle food issues with care and quality.

custom@btwbakery.com

btwbakery.com

IG- @bythewaybakery

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