🍠 Fiber Muffins

 These adorable three bite muffins are more of a side dish, as opposed to a fluffier breakfast type of treat. They are a delectable accompaniment to any savory main dish. Why should pumpkins have all the fun? These babies have healthy bran cereal in them too, as well as toasted walnuts and dried cranberries. I use the Fiber One flake cereal to sneak in that daily dose of fiber. And guess what? No flour or refined sugar!! Yay, right? I’m totes down for responsible holiday indulgences but if we can keep it clean then why not.

Ingredients:

One medium sweet potato, peeled, boiled, and mashed. You’ll need one full cup mashed.
1/2 cup skim milk or milk of your choice
2 egg whites
2 tbsp canola oil
2 1/2 cups Fiber One flake cereal, lightly crushed
1 tbsp baking powder
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice 1/8 tsp nutmeg
1 tbsp granular Splenda
1/3 cup each dried craisins and toasted and crushed walnuts
Cinnamon and sugar to sprinkle on top

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350. Spray ten compartments on a muffin tin. Fill the two empty halfway up with water.
Prepare the sweet potato and set aside. While the sweet potato is being prepped, toast the walnuts whole. Crush when cool. You can use the potato masher to crush the nuts, it works great. When cool, add the rest of the ingredients, stirring all gently to combine. Over mixing leads to too dense texture. Fill each muffin compartment two thirds full. Sprinkle the tops with cinnamon and sugar. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown and the tops spring back when lightly touched. These freeze well for up to three weeks.

🦁

Unless there’s a miracle I’m never going to see you again in this lifetime. I have been preparing myself for this since last week when despite having been told you had no lucidity, you made perfect sense to me. “Jessie, I’m so happy we’re neighbors”. These words may be the last you ever say to me, but they are lovely words so I’ll accept them with gratitude. You turned to me and looked at me when you whispered them. A few minutes prior I sang the silly song written for your bar mitzvah. I asked you joyfully if you remembered who wrote it and you answered correctly right away. No lucidity; whatever. You were in there and I love you even more than before for gathering strength to connect with me in my grief. What a gift that was. It was the best I’ll ever receive. You are my best friend. I refuse to say “were”. Why should one moment in time force a new set of adverbs down my throat?? I don’t believe you’ll be gone anyway; you may soon leave the discomfort of this body but your essence remains. I see us in the past, in the future, and on an entirely different plane in which you are a baby and I’m this blond, regal giant cradling you and tickling you. You’re on loan and I signed a soul contract to care for you until you’re ready to return to her. I tell you I’ll bring you whenever you’re ready, something we discussed not long ago in 3D. You are being pulled in her direction yet want to stay here for your children. This is a choice only your soul can make when it’s ready. I will have to accept either outcome. I have begun that process. Clinging to the story of a body that isn’t mine would destroy me. My only emotional and mental life raft is to talk to you in the other spaces in which we exist together. Together, always together. You told me a few months ago you don’t have this level of honesty with anyone else. How blessed are we to provide that for each other. In a viper pit of a family we were each others’ support. Even last week it hurt me to see you surrounded by the death eaters that didn’t appreciate you or handle you with the love and kindness you deserve. But as always is the case in this unsavory group, I was outnumbered. Before we were at least a pair. Somehow I always seem to find myself back at square fucking one. If I go down the rabbit hole of fear and alienation then I’m doomed. I found the Zen Center because of you, by googling Tibetan physicians in New York. My zen practice has changed my life. I’m certain that you unknowingly put me there to prepare me for this, as well as a few other chief issues I’m dealing with. All the practice we do, the required reading, the papers we write, the group work; I have always known it was for me to have peace when your soul transitions. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, including having swam two miles in the ocean back to our Miami hotel, after our jet ski crapped out in the middle of the sea. I swam and ran, collapsing breathlessly on the beach, only to find that you had jump started the jet ski and managed to ride it back. You taught me about Lou Reed. “Hey, Babe, take a walk on the wild side”. You were too good at that sometimes. I was the more responsible, disciplined one. Last year I ran a stupid idea by you. You told me it was a terrible idea. When even you thought it was a dumb and crazy move, I had to listen:). You are a mix of bravery and recklessness, always with a fierce underlying desire to live life to the fullest. We planned on going to India. We planned on going to Spirit Rock, Jack Kornfield ‘s meditation center in California.

We planned on going everywhere. When you moved to my neighborhood I was so thrilled to finally have a buddy to run around New York with. It gets lonely going everywhere by myself. Neither one of us ever cared what time it was. The Village, the Lower East Side, those were our spots. Everywhere we went you had a story or anecdote. You are the smartest person I know. The breadth of your knowledge on every topic known to man is staggering. Any new piece of information I came to you with, you had at least a dozen facts about it. I couldn’t stump you. So well read, so thirsty, so curious. So fucking smart. Nothing about you has ever been small. An extreme skier, a champion tennis player, a brilliant piano player. Prowess on both sides of the brain. Intellectual, hyper creative, musical, scientific, literary, mathematical, humorous. There is virtually nothing you’re not really good at. What sets you apart from almost all humans is your sheer lack of judgement. Anyone could tell you anything with zero fear of judgement or scorn. Do you have any idea how spacious one must be internally to allow room for everyone else’s stuff? Having felt the stinging slap of judgement your whole life, you never projected that into others. I’m weak. I still judge. After all, we learned from the best. I protected myself with walls of anger and judgement, while you numbed your pain in other ways. I judge way less then before but it still happens more than I’m comfortable with. It shrinks me, I feel constricted. I’m working on it. Softer is better. You are larger than life because that never took up space within you. You are so loving, sweet, and warm. These last few months as certain things began to fade, your heart kept opening. The response to you from strangers and loved ones alike is the same. Everyone loves you and reacts to you. In the hospital you’d circle the floor introducing yourself to every patient, their family members, and the staff. We bought pizza for the whole staff one night, after we stole a banana from the cafeteria. You wanted air so we went to the street. In your gown, socks, and IV pole we bought falafel from a food truck. Every passerby on the street cheered for you. It was one of those moments when New York feels like the warmest place in the world. You create warmth, it’s your specialty. You have no idea how good you are. I always tell you and I know you believe I’m being sincere. But you didn’t hear it enough, from the right people at the right time. Those early years are a big deal. I tried so hard to make up for that, to fill those holes that had been dug in your subconscious long ago. When I knew I was being lied to years ago about something important and family related, I called you to tell me the truth. You did, and we actually made a pact that day that we’d always be totally honest with each other. In a world where most people are completely full of shit, together we reached that rare kingdom of safety and truthful openness. We discussed the real origin of your dis-ease, and why you got sick almost as soon as you moved back here from the West Coast. There was so much pain to tend to but you were so tired and depleted. I guiltily pushed for awhile then apologized. You loved everything I shared with you about yogic and zen philosophy, energy healing, and astrology. A guy I dated introduced us to a famous monk from Daramsala. Of course his family was American royalty, unbeknownst to us at the time he sat in your living room before Shabbos. Classic us; unknowingly attracting these epic experiences into our lives. We never looked, though stuff like this found us. Two big personalities bumbling along together, laughing our butts off at the messed up truths of our own humanity. The conversations we had can’t be replicated. I can’t say stuff like that to anyone else. Yet. I know in my bones you will have a major hand in who I wind up with, as well as all I’m going to accomplish. Your pride in me always warmed my heart. I heard it in your voice when you introduced me to people. I’m so proud to be your little cousin too. I felt I had a stake in you, like you were mine in a way since we’re so unusually close. I always felt so beautiful, valued, and special with you. You loved showing me off.

The other night I had a full on breakdown in the shower. The kind where one wails loudly and uncontrollably. It was out of body in that I kept repeating two lines over and over. Like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. “I wanted you to see it. I wanted to show you myself.” I knew what I meant but several times I had to stop and really look at those words that kept tumbling out. “It” has already happened. I just have to get there. You were supposed to be with me to witness it all, here in this form. We both needed people to take pride in us. We fed each other that emotional nourishment. I have to believe you’ll rejoice in all I have yet to do from a safer, more peaceful place.

Last week I saw a Ram Dass documentary called “Fierce Grace”. Thank god the dharma led me in to see that movie. There’s a scene in it I was meant to see at this exact moment in time. This scene has comforted me a lot this week. In it a young girl named Abby came to Ram Dass after her boyfriend was shot to death in the face while serving in the Peace Corps. She had met Ram Dass a few years earlier as a teen while attending a summer camp for social action. Good people always find each other. The thread is always there. She loved her boyfriend very much. He came to her in a dream visit, and when she told him how much she loved him and missed him he said, “Oh, Abby. This is peanuts. There will be so much more love in your life and now I get to be a part of it all.” On hearing this, Ram Dass, who has heard it all, burst into tears. The purity and truth of this message of love, unadulterated and everlasting. Spirits don’t lie. When they are released from physical constraints they go everywhere. Their power is unleashed. I have been replaying this scene in my mind over and over. That line is what is going to save me now and forever. Knowing that you’ll be a part of everything happening both inside me and around me. There’s no way to not be grateful for that.

Your name means lion in Hebrew. Mamash k’Ari. Truly like a lion. Most who went through what you did would not have made it this far. That’s why I was always so hopeful. You always had nine lives so why not ten?
I have so much to do. The “it” that I was crying about in the shower. You’ll see it. I’ll show you myself. And it will all be for you.

Listen to Heavenly Action

Over It🕶

Love overalls, always have. I have several pairs that I love playing around with. These tailored black ones over my fave Isabelle Marant lace shirt look great day or night. These overalls can really be dressed up with the right shoe, top, jacket, and accessories. Here in daytime I wore them with comfy sneakers (or Doc Martens), a beanie, and this always reliable coat. The one strap off is a playful detail inspired by the 90’s. This look is just kinda fun and chill. I’ll look for any reason to wear a beanie in general. I love that this is truly comfortable but mixes up typical daytime which can start to feel too predictable and repetitive. The grommet and ribbon detailing on the hat is fun and distinguishable too. Overalls also look so cool over a turtleneck, crop top, or a bralette for nighttime. So many options, as long as you instinctively feel it looks right. And always aviators for the win.

Fireplace Ready

I think I wrote this last winter, but those pics of Mariah Carey teetering around snowy Aspen in high heeled snow boots (who even makes those??) and cleavage always made me laugh. I get wanting to look like a snow bunny but that didn’t feel like it. While I love sweaters of all shapes, colors, and sizes, I loathe being hot inside. It will ruin my mood in two seconds. I’m going to be a disaster during menopause. I recall my ex husband watching in horror as I rolled my 11 month pregnant body in the snow before having my fourth child. He was my only winter baby and those itchy maternity sweaters made me want to kill myself. It’s like wearing a wool parachute. Sweaters are so beautiful though, and definitely are perfect for yummy winter gatherings. This one has been serving me well for about a dozen years. It’s Theory and the warm color palette is seasonally on point. It’s not my current taste but I’m glad I have it. It’s important to hold onto certain items as out tastes change. It’s actually pretty cool to utilize them totally differently than you had initially done. The dark skinny jean, sweater, boot combo isn’t normally for me. It’s a solid look to photograph because many women do like to dress that way. It is also easy to put together and there’s something to be said for that. I always have a t shirt or tank underneath in case I get overheated. These Minnetonka boots I’ve also had forever. I’m not the biggest fan of fringe but I love them here. I also love these boots with a cute miniskirt or long boho dress. Dressing seasonally is certainly yummy; warmth is never wasted.

Roasted 🍠Cauliflower 🌮

Emojis save space! These savory veggie tacos are a healthy meal, as well as a great way to incorporate sweet potatoes for any vegetarians at your holiday table. This filling taco is simple to make yet packs a punch in its heartiness. The fried egg on top is of course optional, making this very vegan friendly. Roasted vegetables, a crispy low carb tortilla, idiot proof guacamole, and a shot of protein . The leftover vegetables can be used as a side the next day, added to your favorite grain, or as green salad components.

Ingredients:

One peeled, diced large sweet potato

One head of cauliflower cut into small florets

A diced large white or yellow onion

An avocado

Half a lemon

One egg per taco

One low carb Mama Lupe tortilla per taco

Salt, pepper, smoked or regular paprika, garlic powder, dried Italian seasoning

Preheat to 400. I like the roast setting but bake works too. Mix the diced onion, sweet potato, and cauliflower in a large pan with a nice drizzle of olive oil and all the seasonings (I’m sorry I don’t have measurements here. I rarely measure. Trust yourself! Start with less than add more. I often give a taste raw to test). Roast until fork tender and the vegetables begin to lightly caramelize. Set aside. Peel the 🥑. Mash with half the fresh squeezed and some salt. Heat a dry pan and warm each tortilla on both sides a minute or two until golden brown spots appear. I use tongs for this. Take a large pan sprayed with non stick spray and cook a sunny side up egg per person/taco. Assemble: fill each tortilla with the roasted veg mix, top with guacamole then an egg. Fun and done!

Listen to Xavier Rudd-follow the sun

Abundantly Clear

I recently made a fierce commitment to myself; to only go towards abundance. To move out of any thought, feeling, pattern, or situation rooted in lack. Despite all the growth and progress I’ve made, I was still letting myself stay stuck in certain lacking unconscious habits. They were harder for me to identify since they were just that; unconscious. Half a lifetime of embedded patterning filled with holes, pieced together by threadbare survival tactics. At this juncture I’m grateful to have the clarity that I don’t need to survive. I only need to thrive. And so what I once clung to out of deep rooted unworthiness (soooo deep, in the sense that layers had to be jackhammered to discover it) is useless to this current version of myself.

My old trainer who I didn’t think I could live without; I haven’t seen him in two years and I look better than ever.

Shopping in certain stores; nah, without the overpriced nonsense my taste has become much more organically interesting and way more me.

Blocking certain contacts on my phone; I don’t need that wall anymore since I can just let unwanted communication spill off me. I am clearer, I am stronger, and I am more aware of my inner teacher. And she is telling me with loving firmness to cut the shit. As always she is right.

While the ego has so much to gain by keeping us small, the inner teacher is all love and guiding wisdom. She is a selfless voice that steers me towards the abundance that is already mine. I just have to claim it. Lack doesn’t mean you think you’re the worst. It shows up as regular insecurities, self defeat, dishonesty with oneself, too much self deprecation, deciding you can’t pursue a dream for really no reason at all, being overly concerned with public perception, choosing a partner that you know isn’t right for you, and repeating unhealthy patterning with both yourself and others. You can think you’re great but still behave from lack 🏼‍♀️. NO MAS. It is almost 2020 and I know exactly what must be left behind in order to welcome in flowing abundance, emotionally, romantically, and financially. Spiritually and creatively I’m good at feeding myself. I have so much further to go in both areas but after years of being starved to death in those departments, I have given myself creative and spiritual nourishment.

Today in yoga my teacher said “never be complacent”. I’m not. A trusted friend and therapist recently told me I’m like Curious George on speed. This was amusing to me and I reacted neutrally to the comparison. I know that one of the tenets of a richly fulfilling life is to be a forever student. Not in the gathering knowledge and data sense, though that does help to a point, but in the sense that our hearts must be open to the wisdom of the aforementioned inner teacher. The one that lives within you and knows you best because it’s the most important part of you. These lessons are given privately in a class of one. How lucky are we to be born with our very own personalized curriculum by someone who knows our heart’s deepest desires before the rest of us does?

The default neurotic reactivity and emotional anarchy that overtakes me in seconds, that’s the toughest stuff to wrestle with. Now I find myself saying over and over, “nope, that’s the lack going off the rails. Go towards the abundant choice”. It’s a leash yanking me back from my former bullshit. The habits that have long overstayed their welcome. I am meant for great things. The fullest life possible. So are you. No one made you for mediocrity. But at the end of the day we attract what we vibrationally draw in. We find what we seek, knowingly or unknowingly. Lack vibrations pull in lack situations, just as abundant energy leads us towards abundance. Overflowing, juicy, delicious, dripping abundance. One the one hand our journeys require patience and time. On the other hand we can’t waste any more time trying to figure this all out. We can’t and we shouldn’t, and I’ve concluded we don’t have to. The answers don’t lie in articles, links, and podcasts. Those just point us in the direction of what we already know. When an outside idea resonates it’s because it’s matching inner knowledge. We feel some kind of alignment. The inner teacher is like “yeah, duh, I could have told you that”. I have been told my whole life that I make my own rules. I don’t always listen. I can blindly plough forward on my own program when I get that fiery urge. Some of my best work and decisions have been born of those third chakra impulses (that’s where we house ). But impulse must be watched. It often goes rogue and it often stems from old lack conditioning. As I think back to where I was exactly a year ago marked by certain events, it’s abundantly clear to me in which directions I need to keep flowing towards. Which thoughts and motivations are skillfully matching up to this abundant state I want so much. Sorting, always sorting. Making piles. Discerning, noticing, admitting, choosing. The dharma 8 fold path includes right thought, right action, and right intention. With increased clarity comes increased listening to you know who. I’m so ready to listen and surrender. It’s actually a relief to not have to work so hard and force anything. We force out of lack and cling out of weakness. I feel fuller than ever before and will only seek circumstances, humans, love interests, and opportunities that will match that. Bursting at the moment... not sorry at all... 2020, I’m coming for you.

Happy Holidays 🖤

Holiday dressing is so much fun this time of year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years can all have different feels. This Jewish gal doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but I have always loved the feels and fashion of this festive time of year. New York is just beautiful during the holiday season. Regardless of religion and tradition, Christmas lights, songs, and merriment can be universally enjoyed. I may not be the one throwing the Christmas party, but I might attend one as a guest and would def enjoy dressing for it. There are so many ways to go for holiday dressing. This year I was feeling these sexy, pinned up leggings, heels, and a fitted, embellished Moroccan jacket. I love the edgy, rock and roll pin detail mixed with the exotic richness of the velvet coat. Heels and hair up are more of a rarity for me, but both details elevated the leggings and jacket from casual to party elegance. This same outfit can be worn to work with low heeled boots or flats, even with cool black sneakers. Def take it day to night if you’re short on time and need a quick presto chang-o. Swapping out shoes and a few well placed bobby pins can shift your ensemble in mere minutes.
I cannot enjoy a party if I’m not physically comfortable. A removable jacket in case I get hot is a must. Since you’ll be taking lots of pics at said party, you may want to snap some shots while getting dressed, to see if you like how your outfit photographs. I’ve actually never done this, but it just occurred to me as I’m writing and it makes sense. The holidays are a time for joy; whatever enhances that for you is important. If practicing poses and having beautiful pictures to post matters to you then do it! Create memories, laugh, eat, dance, hug, kiss, sing, give, and share. Yes, we are supposed to do those things all year. But the holidays force us to allot that time. They remind us how important it is to stop routine and inject something special into our lives🕎🏼🕺🏽.

Blip 👾👾👾

Humans have a complicated, often confused view of life in terms of time. This life anyway. Life is either too short or seems like it’s taking forever. Ninety years feels like a very long time indeed, yet we say we are only here for a mere blip in time. If someone dies over 90 they are thought to have had a long life, but of course there’s never enough time no matter how old our loved one’s are when they pass on. The word “blip” is terrifyingly short and insignificant sounding. It’s a one second sound effect. Hundreds of blips appear in one round of Pac-Man alone. If one of these blips isn’t heard no one will miss it. It comes and goes in the blink of an eye. When one day can feel like an eternity, an hour even, then how can it be that we view these current lifetimes as lightening fast blips in the grand scheme of things? Our ancestors had rich, full lives that are essentially meaningless to us. What seemed interminable to them during their own complicated life spans doesn’t resonate with us at all. We can’t even hear their blips for even that one second. How can it be that a whole life, ours included, full of ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows is reduced to an imperceptible split second in time? There are two ways to look at this: that everything we do matters since we have to squeeze the most out of this short gift of life, or that none of it matters at all since the whole darn thing will evaporate anyway. And where does this leave those of us who do feel it matters while we work on internalizing the brief, impermanent nature of life?

I know people who subscribe to both belief systems. What I have observed is that those who think the blipness ultimately means nothing are mostly just trudging through the predictable banality of every day. Days that are either resigned to sameness because “what’s the point?”, or days filled with irresponsible, destructive indulgences because “what’s the point?”. Almost everyone I speak to has children, and I’m always taken aback when a parent who has witnessed the miracle of childbirth can still think breath, life, and heartbeats will just wind up in the “sigh, whatever” pile. I promise this is not a judgement; I just find it interesting and depressing. It makes me sad too, in that it feels very cut off from wonder and awe. God doesn’t need a place here. I personally believe in God/Source, but I don’t think that’s necessary to feel part of something great and important. There is a wonderfully innovative synagogue in downtown New York called Lab Shul; they describe themselves as “God optional”. I love this for how inclusive it is. If someone has a hard time embracing God, they shouldn’t be alienated from tradition, ritual, and community. Connection is still very much alive and available. God isn’t provable in his intangibility, but take Nature. Nature invades all our senses at all times. One need not chant about the elements to prove they exist. Earth, water, fire, and air aren’t debatable. Nature truly is miraculous and magnificent. We know flowers have a short life span yet we water them and care for them while they’re here. We will bud, bloom, then die just like flowers, but are we not to be watered and cared for too? I’ve never heard of anyone call a flower a blip, or say that the life of a two hundred year old tree was a waste. Anything alive matters, especially people. Whether or not one believes in karma affecting the future, how sad is it to give so little love to the present? Is it possible to live an incredibly rich and joyful life, filled with curiosity and integrity, while knowing the blip is really just that? Yes, of course it’s possible and often necessary, to hold more than one belief system. We are alive whether we think it matters or not. We have these precious bodies whether we think they just randomly materialized or were created with deliberate magic. To choose to live with little regard for life is tragic to me. Our choices matter. Our intentions matter. Our lives matter. The blip doesn’t negate the importance of what it’s comprised of. In The Lorax by Dr Seuss an entire world lived on one fuzzy speck. Spilled milk in the grand scheme of things doesn’t matter; life in the grand scheme of things does. I truly feel sad for anyone who compares their life to spilled milk. That sounds like a form of depression. If that’s the case, then I understand why one wouldn’t even bother to have their days and nights not bleed into one another. Reckless, selfish, destructive decisions; sure, why not? It can’t be that that’s the system. Anarchy on all levels would ensue, and the world will always have too much of that which we cannot control. It’s interesting that one friend I have who is an atheist and lives pretty carelessly because “what’s the point, the worms and maggots will be tearing me apart inevitably” gets upset about politics. He doesn’t like or agree with Trump’s decisions because they are harmful and irresponsible. He exercises religiously because his body is important to him. I said to him, see? our actions and goals matter to each of us in some ways. Our time here is important. We are affected by one another, on an international scale or on the most personal. What we choose directly affects those around us. Personally, socially, professionally. There’s no way around that. What we eat, how we look, and how desirable we are matters to most of us. Very few people allow themselves to balloon to 500 pounds and don’t ever shower or refuse to contribute to society. There are certain common choices we make that prove we do in fact care about many aspects of our lives. Karma isn’t provable either, but if you rob a bank and get caught then you have set into motion numerous, obvious destructive effects. So too if you smile kindly at a stranger that will also set things into motion. One smile can change the course of someone’s day and benefit so many others, just because the recipient’s energy was softened. Our energy matters because we matter. Our matter matters, regardless of the blip. When a child dies, even a baby, no one will call that a waste of a blip. No one will say, “who cares”. Forget the blip. You’re here now. It might not be important in 50 years. No one will know who you are in 100. But it matters now. You’re here, you may as well maximize that and gather as many rich, full, joyful moments as you can. We can’t resist the blip. It’s our the fate of our future. That’s for later though. All we have is now. Each night zen Buddhist monks recite the ancient evening gatha, in which the last line is “don’t squander your life!”. You deserve the most meaningful present experience. I hope you all believe that and give that to yourselves. It’s your birthright. Love yourself enough to get out of your own way and trust that all of you indeed matters. God may be optional, but you’re here. Be here.

🍫🥞🍫🥞

Wait, what?? That’s right, Peeps. Chocolate pancakes with white chocolate chips. This recipe comes to us from chef Norene Gilletz, a leading authority on kosher cooking in Canada. I would never take credit for a recipe I did not invent or seriously tweak. I love coming up with originals, and I also love finding inspiration to make my own with substitutions or additions. These brownie like breakfast beauties did not need me though. All I did was add white chips for color contrast and sweetness. The pancakes themselves aren’t too sweet, which is one of the reasons these are so good. They don’t overload you; it’s nice to not begin the day nauseous from too much dessert like breakfast treats. These are a snap to make. I personally just did the whole thing in one bowl and it worked great. My kids sure thought so. This is such a fun special holiday breakfast indulgence. Make regular pancakes with chocolate chips for a fun, contrasting presentation for a crowd. Sleepover company will love you. Do this at your own risk; they’ll be sure to show up next year. Tis the season to share and enjoy!

Ingredients:

Half cup of flour 

Half cup wheat flour 

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 

3 tablespoons sugar 

2 tablespoons baking powder 1/8 teaspoon of salt

 2 large eggs 

1 cup skim milk 

2 tablespoons water 

2 tablespoons canola oil

Half teaspoon vanilla extract 

half cup vanilla chocolate chips 

fresh or frozen strawberries for garnish

Directions:

In a large mixing bowl  or food processor combine the flour, cocoa, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add the eggs, milk, water, oil, and vanilla. Whisk together until smooth. Stir in the chocolate chips with a spatula.

Spray a large non-stick skillet with cooking spray heat over medium heat for two minutes. Drop the batter for each pancake into the skillet. Cook the pancakes for 2 to 3 minutes on each side. Enjoy!

Listen to Lido Pimineta- Humano (El Buho Remix)

Observation Deck

I’m flipping things here, cool? While this section on the blog is mostly about me going inward, it’s time I look outward a bit. True, the job is to keep our drishti on ourselves. But we don’t live in isolation. It’s essential that I have a better handle on my surroundings as I learn myself more. My increasing steadiness has allowed me to become more calmly observant of the dating scene. It is a hugely challenging part of life, especially in this particular arena, to practice not taking things personally. What I’ve been seeing more and more is that it’s not personal because most people have terrible relationships with themselves. Any way in which they let themselves down will likely leak onto you. If what they’re giving to themselves is so lacking in self love and self care, then... As I keep exploring ways in which I can be better to myself, it’s becoming easier to spot how the opposite reveals itself, be it in regard to myself or others.

Let’s start with addiction, one of the most obvious ways in which a person lets themselves down. This can be anything from substance abuse to sex to unavailable partners to blame. Even to obsessive exercise and dieting. It is always a form of self punishment, as well as an unconscious urge to get the hell out of the present. You don’t need me to point out that cheating in a relationship, be it marriage or otherwise, is not only greed but an escapist tactic. If you are happy with your person you just don’t act out elsewhere. It’s not just mistreating your partner; it’s mistreating yourself. It is self sabotage. It’s actively depriving yourself of the opportunity to self examine, identify the root of these choices, hopefully heal that space, and go onto the completely satisfying partnership you deserve. It’s cruel to both of you to not put in that effort. It sends a glaring message to yourself that you should stay stuck in a half assed relationship. Any time we rob ourselves of the present moment, that is an act of self torture (I’m obviously not touching one needing to mentally disassociate from current trauma). Thinking about the last fix and how to grab the next one, whatever poison that may be, is painful. It’s either wanting something that is no longer or wasting insane amounts of energy strategizing over how to ensure the next hit. I have done this in my own ways too, just not with the above mentioned vices. There are no good addictions, even seemingly kosher ones, since the very nature of it removes us from presence. So if I’m talking to a man who needs to be buzzed to go on a date, I’ve realized it’s not about me at all. That’s a fight going on inside him. He can’t really like himself very much if a joint or several drinks is needed as a barrier between him and experience. Blocking his own experience leads to mine being stopped too. How can I connect with someone who has half left the building? I want a man who wants to be fully present. If a dude chooses his relationship then is constantly on the prowl claiming some form of dissatisfaction, it has nothing to do with me. Unless of course I choose to engage in that scenario. We often can’t help getting caught in the crossfire of someone’s war with themselves. It happens. We meet people and it can take time to see their story with a clear head. But how quickly we realize and handle our own role in their play, indicates our relationship with ourselves too. I have let myself down plenty. In some very sad ways. I am only learning this now. I recently went on a date where the guy was speeding like a maniac on the highway. I said, “So you’re the asshole on the road everyone hates”. He seemed proud. This person has a long substance abuse problem which has supposedly been under control for years. The speeding was a clear indication, not just of a thread of recklessness, but that this man is not careful with himself. And so he was not careful with me either. For him to assume that he could drive 120 mph with a stranger in the car was extreme and irresponsible. He stopped when I protested, but it was eye opening. It felt alarming on several levels. It was dangerous and selfish to all involved, him included. A lack of regard for his own life immediately translated to a lack of regard for my safety as well. I turned him down after that.

I’m friends with this unhappily married couple. They are both addicted to cycling. They do it separately and don’t skip it because without that endorphin burst they’d implode. Always riding furiously away, only to resentfully return to the same sad place every day. They have both spoken to me separately. I asked him, don’t you feel you deserve a full, loving relationship that you don’t want to drive away from? His answer landed with a common thud; he has found enough “ways” to just exist amongst the gray resignation. It pained me to hear how easily he gave up on himself. It is depriving them both of true chances at happiness. Her misery is tangible. Anyone who gives a shriveled up fraction to themselves will give that to their partner too. I am not claiming that changing is easy or that it’s not disruptive. But it’s far less complicated than we make it out to be. We either fight to give ourselves what we deserve or we don’t. It’s not easy but it is simple.
Viewing the level of accountability others have with themselves has also been really educational. A refusal to be honest and humble on the most private of levels will always lead to outward blame. Screwing up is human. It’s inevitable. But when a dude regales me with tales about how it’s everyone else’s fault...one day it will be my fault too. The mind tries to rationalize and justify, but the heart feels safe enough to admit where its human puppet may have fallen short. The heart is accepting. It understands. So to me, a blockage with honesty and accountability is a blockage to the heart. And a man with a blocked heart can’t care for me in the way I need, want, and deserve. I know this because my own level of self care has grown and expanded, with a mix dedication and tons of missteps. The choices I made unconsciously were all a result of lousy, sad conditioning. It took me a long time to inject forgiveness into that space. We can’t forgive what we don’t radically admit. And the true mark of forgiveness is change, otherwise you’re not really that sorry to yourself.

Self love is never to be underestimated. It’s the opposite of selfish. Your relationship with yourself determines how you treat your partner. Learning how to handle ourselves lovingly and carefully is crucial for a healthy relationship. It’s been an interesting exercise to see how these men treat themselves, and to note the degree to which they need to be removed from their chosen reality. It’s so lame and easy for dudes to subsist on sex, drugs, and rock and roll (women too of course). I want the deepest connection that’s humanly possible. And that can’t be achieved with a man who is disconnected from himself in any capacity. If I were to take any of this personally, that too is a disconnect from the truth. It would be an emotionally immature, egocentric stance stemming from my own need to believe that it has to be my fault in some way. I didn’t say the right thing, I’m too Jewish for someone with no background, I talked too much. It’s very hard not to grow crazy with anger at those who drilled me with criticism throughout my life. They tortured me because of their own inner criticism and torture. Their own self hatred shaped me for decades, but I’m slowly learning not to take that personally either. Hurt people hurt people. It’s taken years for me to calm down and just observe. Breathe, observe, watch, and learn. No stories, no assumptions, just the facts that reveal themselves if I open my eyes and ears. Standing on the observation deck is one of the ways to find stillness in dating. And I can jump ship at any time if I sense the boat might sink. I ain’t going down with that . I love myself far too much.

Salmon Nicoise 🥗

This take on a classic Tuna Niçoise salad makes a terrific brunch, lunch, or dinner meal. It’s also a satisfying alternative for non meat eating guests at your holiday table. Vegans can just eliminate the eggs and salmon. Serve with your favorite vinaigrette or a pesto based dressing like I used here.

Ingredients:

Two salmon fillets, or one per guest, depending on the needs of your crowd. If the fillets are on the larger side then two can share.

A head of red leaf lettuce

String beans

Baby red potatoes halved

Pitted kalamata olives

Chopped Israeli pickles (I like the kind soaked in brine)

Four sliced or diced Persian cucumbers

A cup and a half of cherry tomatoes sliced in half

Three hard boiled eggs sliced (I use the egg slicer kitchen gadget)

Two lemons

Adjust quantities of all based on the size of your crowd. I like to serve this on a large white platter as a composed salad. The colors are so vibrant and visually appealing. It makes for a fabulous presentation.

Set oven to 400. Season the salmon with salt and pepper and squeeze the fresh on it. Sometimes I’ll add dried rosemary. Let that marinate 10 to 20 minutes before cooking. Roast the fish uncovered for 18 minutes.

Season the halved baby potatoes with salt, pepper, and olive oil. Roast those about 30 minutes in the same oven until lightly golden brown and fork tender. While the potatoes and salmon are in the oven, steam or blanche the green beans until bright green and fork tender. Blanching will be 3 to 4 minutes, steaming a few minutes longer. Prepare an ice bath in a large bowl filled with ice and cold water. Plunge the beans into the bath to stop the cooking process, in order to retain the bright color and bite. No mushy, army green beans! After the beans are cool then drain in a colander and pat dry.

Arrange the lettuce attractively on the platter. When all ingredients are ready and the cooked items have somewhat cooled, artfully place everything on top of the 🥬. Rows or alternating sections as seen here both work. The fish can be served in whole fillets or flaked with a fork, on the platter or separately next to it on a smaller yet coordinating serving dish. The dressing of your choice can be served in a white gravy dish so guests can drizzle after serving themselves. wedges served alongside are a nice, fresh accompaniment too.

Fall-ing 🍁🍂🍁🍂

Seasonal changes can be an internally conflicting time. Our bodies are adjusting to new surroundings; there’s no way that what’s inside our bodies isn’t going through something too. The transition from summer to Fall is tough. As beautiful as the leaves are, as crisp as the air can be, the early darkness that begins to set in causes much sadness. The freedom of the summer is over in terms of bodily exposure, schedules, and extended sunlight. It’s a well known difficult adjustment. We are creatures of nature meant to be outdoors. The new indoor time for both adults and kids can be a major bummer. The drop in temperatures and fresh air, 6 pm feeling like 11 pm, it all feels like lockdown.

This is why it’s so crucial to embrace the sweetest of Fall fashion. As we transition internally and externally, it’s important to treat ourselves with loving care, however that means to us. For me, it can be a quiet cup of tea after yoga in the morning, simmering a hearty soup on the stove, carving out time to enjoy a book on the couch, or wearing seasonally appropriate clothing that’s warm and soothing. When we clothe our bodies in yummy fabrics and soothing color palettes, it helps to warm and relax us. Self care is both an inside and outside job. All parts of us must be handled with loving care, especially during times of change. I love this classic Fall look; richly hued skinny jeans tucked into worn boots, a warmly toned turtleneck sweater that’s not too heavy, a caramel colored fitted leather jacket, and gray wool hat. I love this sweater from Love Shack Fancy because it covers without being clunky or heavy. It warms me without burying me, especially because of the shorter sleeve length. A turtleneck doesn’t have to strangle. This one is yummy yet light. I can breathe in it, which allows for added layering, another essential cold weather styling trick. This old leather jacket looks great over pretty much anything, from a T-shirt to a button down to a boho chic dress. I’m such a hat girl, and I’ve been loving this J Crew one for several years. Worn Frye cowboy-esque boots are a staple.

This year I have learned to really pay attention to both my inner and outer worlds. The reality of the internal and external landscapes, how I’m feeling inside based on what’s actually happening outside, how I can be gentle and caring for myself when I’m feeling adrift or lonely. How change can inspire me to love myself. It’s a good mental and emotional exercise; how can what you put on your body lovingly affect what’s inside? Wear what softens you. Every choice contributes to acts of self love.

Listen to Nina Simone- Do I move You

Almond Milk Oat Bar

What to serve at an impromptu breakfast for a crowd of hungry teenagers? It doesn’t get easier than this, Folks. I am not reinventing the wheel here, but sometimes a little smoke and mirrors jazzes up a classic. Presentation is never to be underestimated. Make a large pan of scrambled eggs, buy some fresh croissants, set out this adorable oatmeal bar and you’ll be a hero🥐.

Prepare old fashioned oats on the stove using the milk of your choice, following canister directions. Sprinkle in cinnamon and sugar if desired (I desire this) towards the end of the cooking process. Take uniform, small serving bowls and make a beautiful selection of toppings. Blueberries, cut strawberries, mini chocolate chips, packed light brown sugar, toasted almonds, and raisins are some great ideas. Have honey on hand too. Mini serving spoons up the adorability factor, as do pretty bowls for the oatmeal. This is proof that a beautiful meal can be ten minutes of prepping fresh ingredients and displaying them in an attractive way. The most novice of cooks can pull this off. Newlywed brides, this one is for you.

Three Poisons

I’m concluding a weekend retreat with my Sangha (spiritual community) from the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. I have been looking forward to this very much. I love this group, this work, these teachers, and these teachings that serve as a roadmap for navigating life. It’s amazing how this 2500 year old system is just as applicable and relevant as it was when the Buddha originally developed it. That’s because human beings have always been, and always will be, the same. It’s our makeup. The people back then were no more easily enlightened or awakened; throughout history we have all needed the same guidance and instruction. Fear, shame, anger, lust, greed, perversions, doubts, deception, and all the other fun stuff was always around tripping everyone up. I find this comforting, that we as a collective all share the same suffering and challenges. It helps lighten the individual load knowing the whole world feels our pain.

The theme of this retreat was turning the three poisons into medicine, them being anger, greed, and delusion. I didn’t know that going in and felt truly guided upon learning that at check in. There are deeply grooved caves of anger that have been dug into my subconscious over time, and I want them gone. I want to unpack that baggage. I know I can do that anytime but it’s not that easy. I felt relief in being able to listen to the wisdom and teachings from my three brilliant zen teachers as a means of assisting me in this conflicting process. Chodo and Koshin are my regular zen teachers at the NYZCCC. They were joined by Tenku who runs a zendo in Beacon, NY and is the president of the American Soto Zen Association. She is a fascinating woman from the South, and was the only Western woman permitted to study at the female Japanese zen monastery during her training. I’m extra fixated on the women that are zen priests, especially when they shave their heads. The sheer lack of vanity amazes me. I mean I was annoyed that Garrison, the retreat monastery, served too many carbs (fear not; I brought my GG crackers and three protein bars). I chose my five minute dokusan meeting with Tenku since I may never see her again but was meant to meet her this weekend. She was a last minute sub for Dai-en, my teachers’ teacher who I’ve been obsessed with since the summer silent retreat. I was so disappointed Dai-en couldn’t make it but I was really excited to meet Tenku, who has been a lighthouse of wisdom and relatability. I’ve enjoyed her leadership and dharma talks immensely. She was called to come here literally two days ago and apparently this was the only weekend she’s had free for months so it felt clear to everyone this was meant to be.

Tenku taught that peacocks eat poison. They are the only animals capable of doing so. They turn it into nourishment and are able to break it down. Huh. She called us peacocks today which was so sweet and heartwarming. Adult students have the same need as child students; to be believed in and seen by our teachers. When we know they believe in us it immediately helps us rise to the task. As Koshin said, none of us need any help in the poison department. We are all experts in being and acting angry, greedy, and delusional. Delusion meaning the notion that we are separate from other humans. That separateness is powerfully poisonous too. As I’m learning more and more, separation is the root of most of the world’s pain, both on a global and individual scale. Wars of separation in the home, in relationships, in friendships, within ourselves, and on a global level are lethally painful. They cause physical, emotional, and spiritual death. They are poison because they kill, whether it’s killing in the physical sense or the emotional.

However, poisons often have antidotes. The same things that can destroy, when looked at and handled skillfully, can be flipped into taking on a medicinal quality. What once destroyed so easily can now be used to heal. This is the heart of zen practice, how to work with our natural humanity to heal instead of add to the pain and suffering of the world. This is the reason why we learn this over and over so that we can assist at the bedside of our clinical sites during our yearlong course. Instead of shaming ourselves or turning away from these universal poisons, the work is to see them and get curious about how they take up space in our bodies, minds, and hearts. What poisons us will poison those we encounter. What heals us will heal those we encounter. It’s just a flip though it’s not easy. Chodo, in speaking about anger, described a hideous demon that travels the world in search of anger. It loves to incite all kinds of anger since that’s its food and energy. The demon loves when families fight, when wars break our, etc. Anger is such a gushing force that can consume us in two seconds. In a way it’s like a drug in that it can feel perversely soothing. When rage feels justified we can become totally unhinged and the demon is thrilled. Then one day, as the tale went, the demon walked into a castle and found the King’s throne. The throne room was empty so he sat down, waiting with glee for the king to enter the room and become furious. The demon wanted the fury and set the stage for rage. The king entered, saw the demon, calmly walked over to him, and offered him wine. In his shock the demon disappeared. The king essentially killed him with kindness. He didn’t get the angry energy he needed to survive so he evaporated. This teaches that the antidote to anger is compassion and patience. One Sangha member shared a story about how she became enraged at her parents over a 45 year old issue. She exploded. As she was screaming at her father, he looked at her and said, “come closer”. This welcoming of her pain diffused it. Whether or not her father agreed or understood never came up because it was irrelevant. He witnessed another person’s suffering and created space for her to express, which diluted the poison. I told her at lunch how amazed I was at her father’s enlightened parenting move, to which she told me he was a practicing zen Buddhist for many years. When we are able to share instead of shun, true connection occurs.
Greed is poisonous in that it too causes terrible separation. It’s the Me disease. We furiously collect and grab as hungry ghosts to fill old unmet needs. Greed can be anything from grabbing the last piece of cake to launching constant bids for attention via texting or instagram likes. It’s greedy to need a situation to go according to our definitions, wants, and assumptions. Greed isn’t just about taking tangible things; it’s very much intangible too. Needing to be right is greedy. Needing to be always noticed is greedy. Competing over who suffers more is greedy. The antidote to greed is generosity. It’s obvious to think of generosity as us giving to another. But in the case of let’s say making bids for attention via extraneous texting, perhaps that generosity needs to be turned inward. As in, when we admit our hungry ghost is seeking external validation then we need to be very kind and sweet to ourselves in that moment. Soothing our inner child who didn’t get enough attention is the antidote to the adult needing it from an outside source. In regard to the person who seems to have the monopoly on suffering, well congratulations!!! Your life sucks way worse than literally anyone else’s. The generosity comes to combat the greed in this instance by simply turning towards, and acknowledging, the pain of another. You can keep your pain as long as you can let someone else have their equally shitty experience. We all have our stuff and we all want to be seen. Attention whores are just as greedy as the person grabbing the last cookie. I love this work because it gives me so much to think about in a structured, guided manner. It helps me understand my own process and reactivity and provides me with tools to learn myself and develop new habits. New habits lead to a new life.

The last poison we discussed was delusion/ignorance, chiefly in regard to the delusion that we are separate from one another. For example, when I visit patients at the bedside it would be patronizing and unsupportive to see myself as “the savior” and the resident as “the downtrodden”. I too will one day grow old. That’s a fact. The sick part is not a given but without a doubt my young, healthy body will go through many changes beyond my control. I don’t like thinking about this but I’d be a fool not to make friends with this inevitability. When we look at ourselves in a self righteous manner as the one helping and saving, we immediately put ourselves in separation. Instant divisive roles. How can my presence be comforting when those roles are handed out (by me) right away? Separation is everywhere. Between spouses who are fighting, children and parents in conflict, teachers and their students, the waitress who screwed up your order, the guy who cut you off in traffic. The list goes on, and each person on that list loves, suffers, eats, shits, and breathes. We all carry woes and we all want to be valued. Our personalities vary greatly but our souls and essence are the same. Recognizing this and internalizing it on the deepest level combats this type of ignorance. Unification with all living things, plants and animals included, is the antidote to separation.

The opportunities to practice are constant. From the minute we are born our souls are launched into a confusing, terrifying, frustrating world of form. We needed so little in utero and then our needs and wants are abound. Physical and emotional survival skills are thrust upon us before we have any comprehension of why we even need them. I find comfort in knowing that all that arises can and will also fall. Even the largest anger balloon will pop at some point. Chodo, in his final dharma talk over the retreat, played a haunting Nina Simone song about how all things change. Hearing her voice in an old stone cathedral was beautiful and impactful. Just as our bodies and moods change, so can our habits and approaches to life. Our automatic reactivity can be tamed and altered. Our emotions, sensations, and urges can be quelled and rerouted. We don’t suck and we aren’t stuck. The breath is a constant reminder that it’s possible to take in new and emit freshness. What we send out directly affects those in our lives. What a responsibility. What a relief. What a gift.

Denim Mini Moment

A classic denim mini skirt is one of the cutest, most versatile pieces ever invented. It looks adorable on both a 2 year old and a 32 year old. There are so many ways to wear it, and it freshens up the denim bottom concept. Jeans are great but anything worn too often feels stale. A denim mini can be swapped for its pantsed brother almost anytime. On a recent crisp Fall day, I pulled my 15 year old vintage Calvin Klein mini over ribbed tights (the yummy kind, not the annoying kind I loathe), an oversized chunky turtleneck, a roomy boyfriend navy coat, and mini boots. I wore that outfit again two days later, partly because I hadn’t hung it up but mostly because it was super comfy, easy Autumn chic. That skirt was purchased 15 years ago, but it was a vintage skirt from the 80’s. A classic always holds up, and the more faded it gets the better. The color palette of navy, army green, burgundy, and soft brown was a rich yet warm combination that’s perfect for this season. Fall is a wonderful time to welcome and celebrate all things rich and warm, from your sweater to your pumpkin spice whatever. This is a very easy look to recreate. I bet you have all these pieces at home already. The oversized coat works great over the large scale sweater, which in turn looks right over the mini skirt and mini boots. It’s all about balance of scale. Head to toe oversized or too small most likely won’t translate. It’s the mix of the sizes of the pieces that creates the right outcome, as well as the color cousins. Different colors but all in the same family of richness and warmth. This just might be your fave look this season. It’s a nice change from jeans/boots blah.

Listen to Gang Starr- A long Way to Go